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EXTRACTS

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SPIRITUAL DIARY

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EXTRACTS

FROM THE INTRODUCTION.

As the following Diary is the proper character-
istic of its author, so does it hold forth to us a spe-
cimen of the trials and conflicts, the discipline and
perseverance that we are called to in our passage
through this state of probation, in one way or ano-
ther : for though all are not appointed to the same
particular exercises and trials, yet every one has a
warfare to accomplish, and therefore comes within
the apostle's exortation, to " endure hardness as a
good soldier of Jesus Christ ;" and it is to be well
noted, that our greatest foes are those within our-
selves, even our own natural evil propensities and
inbred corruptions ; and as to search out and know
these is the first part of our business, so to watch
and fight against them, in a dependance on that
grace which alone is sufficient for our victory , makes
the most considerable part of the Christian life to
the very end of it. We have here before us a strik-
ing example of the striving for the mastery, in a
good wrestler with fl.esh and blood for more than
the last twenty years of his life, looking unto Jesus
th^ author and finisher of his faith, under whose
banner he fought, and being faithful unto death, we
doubt not his having received a crown of life.

It will appear from the following memoirs, that
the author possesseil uncommon tenderness of con-
acicnce, extending not only to every plain deviation
from the strict rule of duty, but even to matters of
mere human intirmity, and such as would escape,
not only censure, but almost notice in many per-
sons of approved character : but it was a small
thing with him to be justified in man's judgment;
for he saw evil in its root, and inward workings ia
the ground of his nature, where its operations were
not the less real before God, because not apparent
to others, and therefore he could not rest satisfied
■with any thing short of a clean heart and a right
spirit from the Lord ; and thus must it ever be with
the interior Christian, who brings every thing to
the test of that pure lawof God, before which noth-
ing can stand that is not according to truth and
righteousness in the inward parts. When the Di- -
vine Spirit maketh his abode in the soul of man, it
maketh him to be of a quick understanding in the
fear of the Lord, opens to the view of his mind
many hidden things of darkness, which before lay
concealed from him, and convinceth him of his most
secret sins : hence proceed self-judging, self-con-
demnation, and all the holy exercises of a penitent
and contrite heart.

Some will be ready to make an objection to the
religious character of our author, as being in bon-
dage to the law, and to fear, and, as such, a stran-
ger to that perfect law of liberty, which is the
highest excellence of the gospel dispensation. To
which be it answered, that he was indeed under
the law, but under the law to Christ ; he walked in
fear, but it was a holy fear of offending, a filial re-
verence, and not that slavish fear, which is Hie
parent of a constrained obedience ; for as it was
his choice and delight to be engaged in his Master's

service, so he couutetl it his highest honuur, to see
the work of the Lord prosper in his haiidg, under
his appointment to tlie office af an elder in the
church to which he belonged, giving God the
glorv.

There is indeed a liberty promised in the gospel,
consisting in a perfect freedom from sin, and free-
dom to righteousness, even in that perfect love
which casteth out all fear, and a blessed privilege
it is from the Lord ; not only in the perfection of
it, but also in our advances towards it ; but how
few in comparison, even among the excellent, at-
tain unto it before death is swallowed up in victory ;
before mortal shall have put on immortality, and
corruptible shall have put on incorniption. To
stand in awe, that we sin not, is certainly a precept
applicable to the best of men ; and if we commune
W with our own hearts in that religious reverence that

is due to so awful an examination ; if we consider
rightly the power and malice of our great adver-
sary, the deceitfnlness of sin, the frailties of our
mortal nature, and the many dangers and snares
ft that beset us on every side, these considerations
P will lead us to a charitable interpretation of much
scrupulosity in our brethren with respect to many
smaller matters, if any thing can be called small
that appears to them to carry with it even the most
ri; distant effect on their spiritual concerns.
■ The severity of Dr. Rutty in the judgment he

W passed on himself in matters of mere human in-
firmity, and such as were chiefly complexional,
does not appear to have lessened his charity towards
others, for he had much of that Ciiristian humility

L which leads us to esteem others better than our-
selves. Nor does he show himself to have been a
man of a ntirrow sectarian spirit in reference to his
reading and ecclesiaslit-al opinions, but gives- due

commendation and praise to well-deserving authors
of different denominations, wlietlier Homan Ca-
tholica, or Protestants of the establishment, or
Dissenters, as is to be seen where he takes occasion
to mention the writings of Thomas a Kempis,
Messrs. du Port Royal, Bishop Kenn, W. Law,
Dr. Doddridge, and others ; praising God for dif-
fusing his Ughtand grace through the several divi-
ded churches : and, indeed, where true humility
and Christian love have in any good degree taken
possession of the heart, there things national and
notional, and merely circumstantial in religion, di-
vide not in the affectionate part, but Christians of
different names and .classes have fellowship one
with another in unity of spirit and the bond of
peace. In a word, if he aeemed to be deficient in
any point of charity, it was chiefly at home, as he
found it no easy matter to bear Mith and forgive
himself.

As I am Unacquainted hitherto with the author's
philosophical medical writings,* I must leave them
to speak for themselves, observing only by the way,
that from his diligent application to study from his
youth up, and from his confessed abilities as a
Physician, we may reasonably form good expecta-
tions of their usefulness. He cort;iinly hud a strong

* . Dissertatio Inaiigiiralis de Diarrheea. 1729.

An Account of Boiiie Experiments on Stephen's Medecines. 1742.
A Methodical Synopsis of Mineral Waters. 1757.
A Chronological History of the Weather and Seasons, and of tJ)e
prevailing diseases in Dublin during the space of 40 yra. 1770.
An Essay towards the Natural History of the County of Dublin, 1772.
Materia Medica Antiquaet Novff, 1777.

Oheervations on the London and Edtnburgii DispentiRtories. 1777.
Concerning the Poison of Laurel Water. — Phil, Trans., I70B.
Ofthe Copper Springs lately diaeovered in Pensylvania.— ibid, 1703.
Thoughts on Mineral Waters.— ibid, 1759.
On the Vitriolic Waters of Angelsea.—ibiil, 17fiO.
Oil the Various succeHi of the Cicuta in Ireland. l767.

natural propensity to seek after knowledge, and
took much pains to distinguish himself both as the
scholar and useful physician, but when it pleased
God to reveal his Son in him, and to touch his heart
with a sense of the far superior excellency of divine
truth in the life of godliness, he counted all other
knowledge, comparatively, but as loss and dung
that he might win Christ, and that he might know
him savingly, and the power of hie resurrection.

\

EXTRACTS

FROM A SPIRITUAL DIARY,

A SHORT Spiritual Chronology.

I was born among a set of more refined profes-
sors, and about my eleventh year was transplanted
to a seminary of the like, bemg a school not only
of learning, but of religion : there I received a little
of the heavenly fire from some of the ministers,
particularly in private meetings, and was attended
with the secret alluring of the love of God in pre-
ference to that of father and mother, a manifestation
suitable to my situation in those tender years.

About my thirteenth year, when I was about to
be removed from that place to another, where there
was far less religion, God gave a sense of my dan-
ger on the approaching change, and an earnest
prayer for preservation was poured forth.

From the thirteenth to the eighteenth year of my
age, I was at various mixed schools, and among
aliens, and lived as without God in the world, intent
all the while on my learning.

About the twentieth I was transplanted to afamily
of friends, and here a tender visitation of divine

love took place, in a sudden irradiation, teiuiiii^ to
stop me in my career after natural knowledge.
Here also, some inclination to marriage, but over-
ruled by a secret band.

About the twenty-second I removed to a lodging
with, not a nominal, but a real friend in London.

Thence to Holland, in order to finish my medical
education : here the object was all nature and
physic, no grace; also serious thoughts of proper
qualification for a livlihood, as I had scarce any
patrimony.

In my tweny-fifth year commenced my practice,
with some revival of religious thou^htfulness.

1724. I was transplanted to Dublin by a singu-
lar Providence, even among brethren of high
profession, and 1 now made a covenant with my
Maker.

I saw the formality and hypocrisy of divers of
the profession, and was offended ; but was preserv-
ed from hurt from hence by an inward call to this
purpose: ' Look not out, but in.'

Soon after my arrival, 1 opened a scheme for the
improvement of the Materia Medica, which has,
with some interruptions, been prosecuted to this
•present time, being the forty-fourth year.

1733. Began my history of the people called
Quakers in Ireland, not for reward, but from zeal,
and a cordial love to the exercise of Christian dis-
cipline among them, extended not to a few external
particulars only, as dress and address, but also to
the inordinate pursuit of riches, to lukewarmness,
and to prophanenese, and all immorality.

The contemplation of this was pleasant, and
carried me through the labour with cheerfylness.

1737. Published an Essay on Women's preach-
ing, with a rebuke to false prophets, who had long
given me offence : some censure ensued ; but God
])reserved from extreme measures.

From 1740, to 1745, engaged in the Natural'
History of tbe County of Dublin, and was led a
long dance on birds, fishes, and fossils, and in
compotations for information, and was greatly hurt
in my spirituals by this means, preferring nature
to grace, and moral righteousness to evangelical.

1751. And some time after, God stirred up to
prefer grace to nature, and gave the determination
and power to execute it, even to publish two spiri-
tual works, upon principle, previous to a certahi
natural work long depending. About the year
1751, The Essays of the Messieurs du Port Royal
wei'B blessed to me, bringing me to a closer view
of death and judgment.

About the same time God opened my eyes to see
clearly, that this world is not a paradise, but a stage
of troubles, even to those we call good men.

1753.

9 Mo. 29. Light, truth, and sweetness, arose
and prevailed over anger.

10 mo. 7. Two precious illuminations. First,
of the necessity of preparation for death brought
closer to my view. Second, of the necessity of
maintaining an equal degree of spiritual indigna-
tion against other superfluities, as well as those that
strike commou sense and observation.

28. Poverty of spirit in a sense of my own vile-
ness in God's presence ; yet humbly hoped for the
blessing annexed to them that hunger and thirst
after righteousness.

11 mo. 20. A sweet time, and humiliation ; but
accompanied by a false vision, prompting to an
imaginary duty, from pride.

10

23. Notwitlistaniiing the reijullulaiices of iny~
tigly fiercenc&s, God iavoiired me witli some pre-
cious illnminations, viz.

First. Prepare better, and always for every
meeting.

Second. On the sight of a miserable object my
vexations dwindled to notliing-

Tliird. The heighth of my spiritual and sancti-
fied ambition, is that partof blessing God for cross
events.

12 tno. 10. Hurry of business injured the mcet-

18. Sol. Sowing to the spirit is a time ot labour
and toil, not as reamng.

'2fi and 27. Hat^he honour continued on me of
accompanying two women in their visits to families ;
they waiting in deep silence in each family, and
bringing forth pertinent matter out of their treasury.

30. " Is not my word a fire V O that I might
find it so in consuming sensuality, and particu-
larly in eating, drinking, sleeping, smoking, to
be used not as ends, but as means of healtli ; not
to live to eat, drink, &c. but the inverse. Here is
purgatory.

l7o4.

1 mo. 11. At a Parliament-meeting feasted, and
Rat up shamefully, yea wickedly long, to the encour-
ns^ement of luxury in drinking, to the weakening
the holy testimony, and, in reality, denying the
JjOrd before men. I repented a little, and do and
will repent, and I humbly hope, amend. It was a
bewitching time, with much stupidity and inadver-
tence.

13. A shocking view of myself; fierce to infe-
Hors, viciously complaisant to superiors or equals,
for the base views of profit or false honour ; the
lying honour of this world.

u

18. An hiiiitbliiig time on a second review o(
the ] 1 til above. Let it be marked nigro carhone,* in
consideration of the discordant character of con-
demning pomp and superiinity in one instance,
and allowing it in another : sni'cly tlic friendship
of the world is enmity with God ; and snrely this
is an abuse of riches.

19. 1 Mas at a loss to find out one real mark of
regeneration in myself; but rind ihat a good deal
of what appears specious is but constitution.

2 mo. JO. Tlie first day of the week : lay late
sinfully, even as others do, on this day ; as if here
were not as much to do in spirituals, as in tempo-
ralson other days of the week; a vulgar error which
must be renounced.

20. At meeting a deep sense of my own vileness,
and the necessity of selfcorrection previous to that
of others. O for the sword and the fire to consume
the remnants of the lust of the flesh in drinking,
eating, and smoking ; and love of the world in vi-
cious complaisance ! and for the prevalence of light
and truth in quitting that grand absurdity of put-
ting means for ends.

3mo. 17. A sudden irradiation, concerning the
liberti/ of the spirit, and the Uberttf of the flesh —
which God so far favoured, that it increased, and
was brouf^ht to light under that title, A.D. 1756.

4. mo. 1. Feasting moderate, in the world's
estimation; but I know and feel solitude to be
better.

4 mo. 20. Sol. O the bounty of God to me!
Most of my evils ('\. e. troubles) are imaginary,
compared with the real ones of others.

.■j mo. 8. God visited me with a most dangerous
fever ; the affliction was very instructive and gave

12

flEcasioii for a long retreat, and review of past
follies.

(t mo. 3. Weighed the real Christian and the
abstract physician in the balance of the sanctuary,
and found the latter to be incomparably light: hence
great self- con tempt on a sober, clear review of the
hitherto great and principal occupation of my life.

A notable fera of renewed conversion, and eleva-
tion of love.

9 mo. 4, God visited me with a succession of
bodily evils for near the space of four months, and
I saw them to be good, even wholesome chastise-
ments.

16. Sol. How did Daniel, God's favorite, be-
have when he and his brethren were in captivity 1
He mourned, fasted, and prayed. Is there no
analogy nor application in this to tlie spiritual
captivity? Thou bast, indeed, addressed these, arf
hominem ; but, is there not yet a more evangelical
way ? What converts hast thou made ? I am sure
many hug their chains in contempt of thy remon-
strances.

19. and 20. Morose; spoke very rashly and
unrighteously, and my anger was applied to the
■wrong object. Lord have mercy upon me a sin-
ner ! Wash me, and I shall be clean !

20. N.B. A memorable sera, viz. Now, and
not until now, even in this evening of the day, as at
the eleventh hour, even in my fifty-sixth year,
did God first favour me with this new irradiation
of gospel light, (and by raeansof those truly Chris-
tian writers, the Messrs. du Port Rojal) viz. " That
it is criminal nottohatethis life comparatively, and
not to desire the happiness of another life."

28. Instituted an hour's retirement every eve-
ning, as a check to the inordinate study of nature.

10 mo. 4. How much idle expence and super-

13

fluity in purchasing of books nev^r read, nor to be
read !

12. One sacred, solemn lesson has been learnt
from my late severe three afflictions, and which, I
humbly hope, will more than compensate for ail,
viz. To drink little as sufficient — a lesson, wherein
are deeply interested soul, body, and temporal
estate.

18, Tyranny over inferiors is injustice, and the
genuine offspring of inordinate self-love.

A pretty free access by prayer, for a considerable
time past.

22. Visited my grave-digger, on a just com-
memoration of my wonderful deliverance from the
grave.

27. Established a Vesper, viz. An hour every
evening for retirement, besides half an hour in the
morning, and an hour and half in the day for reli-
gious exercises, and all too little.

that these retreats may be consecrated to the
acquisition of meekness and temperance in parti-
cular! possessions beyond all outward treasure,
and worth all the prayers and tears they will cost.

12 mo. 3. Provocation from my servant's ab-
sence from family duty : it is her loss, not mine.
Lord, turn the anger from me to herself, and give
me prudence to exercise the proper discipline with
pity.

1 5, Native ferocity and preverseness, old Adam ,
yet unslain, sticks like bird-lime : Lord, cleanse
and slay !

27. Not yet delivered from captivity to the
world's spirit, in a bold and just use of calling men
by their proper names.

1755.

1 mo. 8. A feast, scarce innocent. Resolved to
d ecline entertainments as much as possible.

17. A silent, but blessed meeting, in this illumi-
nation : [godliness hath the promise of this life, as
well as that to come ; as is evidently the case in
regard to three subjects of ray present exercise, viz.
Temperance, meekness, and moderation in study,
whicii last is also most successful. " O how do I
love thylaw! Drawrae.and I will run after thee;"
vice vena, how docs sin stupify men, even as to
their temporal interest and happiness ! Hence I
saw that man is assuredly corrupt.

Dined on bread and water.

3!. A blessed morning. Light prevailed and
kept down scolding and hurry, and carried me to
meeting with a little struggle. Lord increase the
little spark to a flame !

2 mo. 11. At a silent meeting — Our God is a
consuming fire ; Lord, spare not the unmortified
affections I

12. Stopt my career in buying books, from the
near prospect of death.

17. O, how complaisant to the foibles of men
for the sake of outward advantage ! But, O, how
little to the foibles of those from whom nothing of
this kind is expected ! and especially such as are
under thy power!

Lord, correct my vilenesa, and give a little of thy
love, thou God of love.

-20. Fasted on bread and water, with delight.

23. Sol. Hemember the parable of the mer-
chant seeking goodly pearls: and, O the pearl of
meekness ! but thou wilt never get it without greater
ardour of prayer, and vigilance also, than thou hast
yet exercised. Awake, awake !

Some ardency in prayer against ferocity; but
nature still recoils : be therefore instant in prayer,
both in season and out of season, and in vigilence.

3 mo. 14. At a silent meeting, thjs precious

15

illumination, ** Days without number have I idol-
ized natural knowledge, in pursuing it as the chief
good, which it is not ;" a truth I was never tho-
roughly enlightened in, till I lately read Messrs.
du Port Royal ; so dwarfish have I been ! Great
humiliation hence.

24 On a little neglect and injustice fretted too
much, for want of bridling the first motions.

4 mo . 2. God was with me in the hurry to-day :
I will and must follow him more closely, and yield
to his drawings.

5. My servant does that for interest (viz. exer-
cises a complaisance to me under my follies) which
grace hath not yet effected in me*

13. Sol. In conflict with the world'^s spirit and
ways, the defect is truly want of courage. Lord,
give me the* sapere aude; broached even by a
Heathen !

16, 17, 18, 19, 20, and 21. A strong impression
of the transitoriness of our state, as in the progres-
sion of a journey.

God is sensibly weaning from the breast of this
world.

A sensible and great injury by running into con-
versation presently after meeting.

30, At national-meeting: blessedbetheLordI who
has lengthened my days, and placed me among
my betters, even in a select meeting ; an awful,
dreadful situation, even that of a spiritual watch-
man : Lord, give me to occupy it worthily ! and
enable me to attain to that high authority of saying,
" Follow me as I follow Christ."

5 mo. 6. The Lord hath, within about these
two years, opened to my view a New Scene, even
of glory and immortality ; of spirituality, as above

* Dar« to b« wise.

10

<

temporality. He indeed suiVered me many yearff
to go oil in nature, with an upright intention, in
which I served mankind faithfully, though with
many weakneases and some sins, (Lord, pardon.)
But now he calls to erace extraordinary, and an
expeditious preparation for another country. O
the depth of the hounty of Providence, in thu3
waiting to he gracious !

1 1 . Sol. O, what study, what liberality in es-
pences, what conversation and correspondences,
what travels, what experiments and reiterations of
experiments, what copyings, reviewings, and glean-
ings, and yet, all centering in the mere hody ! But
now opens the New Scene, even of grace in the
Christian scheme : see and pursue it with equal,
nay superior ardour !

16. This day, chatting and temporal business
hurt the divine impression received at the meeting.

10. A precious meeting, though silent, and at-
tended with humiliation, under a sense of God's
great bounty in the singular advantages and op-
portunities afforded me, and my barrenness under
them.

31. O my doggedness, naked and bare before
thee, Lord, who art more than a thousand witnes-
ses. Lord, awaken my sorrow for this sin, and
withhold not the fire.

6 mo. 1. A lively sense of the vast and unme-
rited love and bounty of God to me, with suppli-
cation for humiliation, so that I may receive evil
as well as good (as I well deserve and must under-
go) cheerfully, as an obedient child.

4. On occasion of scool-meeting, saw my dwarf-
ishness in regard to exhortation and prayer, without
the help of books or of men : Lord, bring forward
to this state of manhood.

7 mo. 12. Father, teach submission to thy will
in cross events, a» becometh thy chihl.

4

17

Sol. The metaphorical rickets, a real 'malady
of the soul analogous to that of the body, viz. A
counsellor's head (rich in notion) but. a sucking
infant's limbs (in practice.) Lord, strengthen.

15. A blessed silent meeting : I will sell all to
purchase the pearl, even give up every engage-
ment not indispensable, in order to celebrate my
morning and evening sacrifice.

Sol. The fruits of the earth are all ripening :
l)ut those of. my inward man are all late and
stunted : I will lie open to the sun to be meliorated.

26, Resolved daily to open the day with a short
retirement in mental prayer, at least with my ser-
vant, which God strengthened me to accomplish,
and sometimes opened my mouth a little in counsel.
8 mo. 8. My mattin with my servant upheld,
blessed be the Lord ! who also gives a degree of
courage and understanding.

13. On Ellis's history of corallines ; Lord, the
earth and sea are full of thy glory.

16. Sol. I never yet broke my night's rest for
my sins, as Naylor, though once did on natural
studies : hence my dwarfishness*

20. Ten patients and eleven visits entirely ab-
sorbed my matin, to my spiritual loss.
.24. Lay late, to my spirituaMoss.

Sol. Thirty-one long years have been given
me here, and yet 1 am a dwarf in spirituals.

Got to meeting with a struggle, where I almost
despaired of overcoming my hastiness; yet was
supported by the promise of Christ himself to them
that hunger after righteousness.

26. A good time at a meeting, and a profitable
hint from a minister, even that I must speak my
experience to my servants : but, O my leanness !
Lord, thou canst remove it in an instant, as thou
didst in the day of my espousals.

IS

Great impertinence IVom a patient borne tolera-
bly, blessed be God !

•28. Sol. Drinking a drop more tlian for health,
lu complaisance, is captivity to the world, from
which, O Lord, deliver me hence-forward I

!) mo. 4. Sol. The Lord hath given content:
he hath also set holy bounds to my eating, drinking,
studying, and practice.

5. At meeting — A memorable illumination and
holy dread, lest nature preponderate over grace,
and lest " Ye cannot serve two masters," be appli-
cable to me.

14. O, how remote from the character of pope
Sixtus, viz., Being thankful for indignities I Must
I, indeed, go through the fire again f Amen, Lord,
if it be thy will.

19. A silent meetitig, but precious: grant I may
return more meek, and more slow to anger, and less
gluttonous, than I came I A dark Lueii'erian spirit,
at my right hand, prompting to spiritual pride.

Blessed be God for my own deafness .' a just
punishment for my impatience under my servant's.

22. One of our principal ministers in irmnineDt
danger : God is smiting the shepherds : a time of
scattering seems to impend: Lord, preserve my
poor soul 1
10 mo. 3. At meeting was instant in prayer.

20. I am ashamed of my barrenness, even my
great spiritual barrenness in conversation, during
most of my life. I will humble myself.

21. A silent meeting, and profitable: an aspi-
ration from the state of childhood and weakness to
that of manhood in Christ, to which all things
encourage.

27. Choleric.

More in words than in life : Lord, mend me !

S&. Feasted rather beyond the holy bounds.

19

29. Our trials are neither stocks, beatings, nor
prisons, but alluring temptations, from which, O
Lord, deliver!

1 1 mo. 4. Feasted, beyond bounds, just before
the select- meeting, which was harmonious, good,
and edifying to unworthy me: O the mercy of
God to sinners 1

5. Detained from school meeting a quarter of
an hour, from a cause not defensible, though un-
known to mortals.

16. A blessed time at evening-meeting.

A notable epocha this : I have well nigh finish-
ed scribbling, I desire to give up my heart to
God, as King, that he may reign over both Lucifer
and Mammon. Surely, light and truth are lovely,
and nothing but worldly objects hinders loving and
pursuing them.

23. Lay too late for this day. Lord, I am very
poor in thy holy presence.

27. An earthquake lately shook England,
Portugal, Ireland, Holland, Germany, France, &c.

12 mo. 3. Lord, sanctify my studies, with a
perpetual view to charity, not ostentation.

I have a great superfluity of books.

6. Reflections on the earthquake, which was
vastly, shockingly, extensive. ^

Those that perished are gone but a little before
thee, and perhaps by a death not more painful.
See again the instability of wordiy grandeur and
riches — A noble commiseration for the sufferers in
George II.

22. A vexatious day, partly from within, choler
reigning, and partly from cross accidents ; not
much eruption, but uneasiness, very short of ta-
king all things equally, as Kempis describes his
saint,

24. Both in nature and grace I have been more
in speculation than practice*

30

O for the * tenicr ^- meliorjis accedenle senecta of
Horace.

27. A good time under the ministry of a poor
woman, introduced with these awful words, " How
is it with you? Are there some whose salvation
is not begun?"

1750.

1 mo. 2. A hard struggle for meeting, which
was profitable, exhibiting a clear vision, viz.. That
although I be repulsed in my conflict with anger, I
must continue instant in prayer, as in our Lord's
simile of the importunate widow.

15. Tlirougli epidemics and impending deaths,
earthquakes, bankruptcies, dissolved friendships,
and temptations to two notable sins, hath God
hitherto preserved and supported me, and given
space to repent and grow milder, and meeker, &c,

18. Sol. Is brother vile, and Dr,

vile, and my servant vile? I have been more vile
in thy presence, Lord, on many occasions.

A blessed time at meeting : a review of inconsis-
tency in superfluous furniture, books, drinking,
reading largely on waters and Materia iVedica.
It is now time to make a retreat, as, blessed be the
Lord, I do in degnee. — Want also of more consis-
tency in bowing, thouing, and names of months
and days.

28. A rash word,

2 mo 6. A fast day in public : and I celebrated
it in private, on principle.

!>. Rose virtuously with the sun, and did some
church work.

16. Drinking beyond the holy bounds embitters
my retrospection, and ^stains my virtues.

-Dost thou become

Milder and better with advancing age?

21

Beware of blaspheming in relation to the wea-
ther : a vulgar, impious practice.

24. At a silent meeting — I was almost on the
brink of despair on occasion of adhering ferocity :
however, importunity in prayer according to our
Lord's command to be pursued : O let the day of
love be as effectual as that of judgment !

3 mo. 19. Sinfully choleric on a slight provo-
cation, for which I am to ask forgiveness to-morrow.

Disqualified for an intended religious visit by
the fit of anger last mentioned.

4 mo. 6. More temperance in eating vegetables,
as well as more meekness, are still wanting.

8. Little effect of our labours on the people of
pleasure : I^ord, awaken them, for we cannot.

11. Forced to do something in temporals, to
my spiritual loss.

18. A relaxation in spirit (a solid, sad, reality)
obtains in every degree ("howsoever little) of false,
vicious, complaisance : soul, awake to more firm-
ness.

5 mo. 3. The saying of Christ with the autho-
rity of Christ applied to my case, '' He that is
angry with his brother without a cause shall be in
danger of the judgment.""

21. Impends a drinking-Aly at parliament-
meeting: Lord, preserve from captivity, and from
the damnable sin! Accordingly marched off
refreshed.

It is a blessed thing sometimes to starve in the
midst of plenty.

27. Thou art giving a quiet habitation : I adore
thy goodness. Lord.

6 mo. 13. At evening- meeting — A secret hope
that God will still farther loosen from the world,
and from nature. O the hastening night calls for
doubled diligence !

7 mo. I, I have not been pierced through with
thy holy fear, but have often stipt anil fallen for
want of a due degree of it. And I have been want-
ing in a due proportion of the spiritual improve-
ment of the uncommon opportunities afforded :
Lord, look down on this my evening, and mend it.

AccompliBhed matin, with self-denial, in medita-
tion and pious reading.

22. History ; they in America have improved
on us in Christian discipline, particularly in pro-
hibiting lotteries, spirituous liquors, fighting, and
dealing in slaves, all expressly specified ; and
their queries relating to ministers are considerably
more minute than ours ; a valuable piece of Canaan
news, more worth hunting for than the news of out-
ward prosperity.

24. A notable saying of a sister ; "Am I cru-
cified with Christ, who suffered not for himself,
but others 1 How else can 1 say, Follow me as I
follow Christ r"

8 mo. 1. A blessed time at meeting; a degree
of ravishment, and a clear illumination of the evi-
dence of regeneration, viz., The son must belike
the father in his imitable excellencies of love and
purity ; but O the barrenness of the conversation
after, how wordly ! •

2. Sol. The view of our spiritual losses is far
more distressing than that of Minorca ; but, we are
all external and busy politicians, whilst the inward
and spiritual life is neglected : surely, it were bet-
ter to attend less to politics.

9. The Lord is removing my reproach, in giving
vigour of body and mind for the discharge of some
exercises omitted ; nevertheless I will humble my-
self, as being of an after-growth, and having not
devoted the prime of life to a zealous promotion of
truth, as B. and N. and several others, whose ex-

23

amples God has presented to me as incentives,
adored be his bounty !

18. O the awfulness of my station ! I am open-
ly listed.

O, how earnest was B. for the conversion of the
Heathen \ but how remiss I in preparation for the
visit.

Four religious visits, wherein light, truth, and
love triumphed, blessed be the Lord !

30. Sol. " Thy will be done on earth " is
speaking a lie, so long as impatience continues.

9 mo. 3. Visiting families, a new operation in
our spiritual campaign, and of signal service in
these dreary times. Two despised women gave
an useful sample of it, and it was sanctified, blessed
be the Lord I

5. Sol. Now the Lord favours, and hath in-
deed, in a manner removed all obstacles to my
spiritual progress.

It is enough ; I want neither riches nor honour.
Of what use is bread to a dying man ?

On a retrospection, religion, indeed, has always
been intermingled with other concerns ; but with
alloys of weaknesses, sins, and an inordinate love
of natural knowledge.

9. B, continued in prayer beyond the usual
hours of sleep ; but when did 1 ? O when ! whilst
yet the adherence of inward corruption calls for no
less diligence this moment. The sons of Belial
protract their entertainments beyond midnight ;
but it is reckoned an extraordinary matter that
Paul should have preached unto midnight. I hum-
ble myself under a sense of my vast deficiency in
thes6 respects. It is a day of illumination and
drawing nearer to God. .

12. At meeting — "Wisely to manage the last
stake," deeply impressed as the voice of God to
me, on the brink of the boundless ocean, and to

24

^

mind the head less, and the heart more hence-for-
wards.

Lord, slay the remnant of idolatry in nature,
and raise up grace !

17. God was with me in my feasting, adored
be his goodness !

18, On reading the transactions on the polypes
and corallines: O the wonders of the creation.
Lord, the earth and sea are full of thy glory.

•21. A glorious introduction of prayer this day,
even in my asking forgiveness of the individual I
had oft'ended, though an inferior, blessed be the
Lord my God !

A blessed time at meeting: O the deptli of the
riches of God's bounty, who hath given to see good
days in temporals and spirituals ; he hath given to
reap the fruit of the travail of my sonl with con-
tent ; but above all, in the prospect and humble
hope of complete redemption. I will follow thy
drawings in preference to naturals; * kic labor,
hoc opus.

10 mo. •2. The voice of a sheep, in a beautiful
application of those words relating to Christ,
" Come, see a man that told me all I have done ;"
and, as usual, to the peculiar glory of our ministry,
driving from all outward dependencies to the in-
ternal voice of Christ.

J 4. Sol. Is it so, that God so loved the world
that he sent his son — ushered in by preceding pro-
phecies and miraculous concomitant events; to
which, add his life, preaching, works, death, resur-
rection, ascension, the gift of the Holy Spirit, the
destruction of Idolatry, and the propagation of real
Christianity for some centuries? And wliy do not
these tilings awaken? And shall not real Christ-

25

ianity be revived ; but by whose means^? O give
me faithfulnesd in my lot.

17. Sol. X doubt that great blessing of the
coming of Christ in the flesh, is by many, too
much forgotten.

11 mo. 24. O the abundant and sweet occupa-
tion of my solitude ; surely, this is a gift and pecu-
liar blessing from God.

12 mo. 7. Resolved to decline superfluous visits,
in order to finish the day*s work, night advancing.

I bless thy goodness. Lord, who hast helped my
spiritual barrenness a little ; O for more fruitful-
uess.

10. O thou who overcamest the world, fortify
me against the smiles thereof in riches, which beget
pride, insolence, anger, lust, and intemperance.

15. The peculiar glory and end of the gospel is
the revelation of life eternal on the one hand, and
God's wrath for sin on the other ; the impression
of this illumination was strong.

28. A degree of noble impartiality at our meet-
ing of discipline, in the judgment on a delinquent
illustrious brother.

1757.

1 mo. 6. Fervent gratitude for the clear evi-
dences of Christianity, as to the personal appear-
ance of Christ on earth : O for a suitable conform-
ity to his precepts, and the work of slaying still !
O that my obedience might bear some greater
proportion to such accunaulated evidence !

9. Dogged last night and this morning.

Hist. In fasting the ancients had their Statio^
which was continued to three in the afternoon ;
their Jejunium till evening ; and their Superpositio
(on extraordinary occasions and sins) till next
morning. Of all this I know nothing.

D

16. Behold the pittance of public worship
Among us, eight hours iu a week, scarce equal to
one night's sleep. Will God, indeed, accept of it
alone? Surely, nay !

2 mo. 4. At meeting. I worshipped Divine
Goodness this day, which, as in youth, so now in
age, is calling for the supreme love ; and as then
beyond childish delights, so now from and above
the more manly of natural studies. Kemeniber
well that science without charity is but ostentation.

7. O how zealous were the primitive Christians
ill propagating Christianity. But how little zeal
have we, and why? Because we have not enough
witnessed its sweetness and privileges.

20. At meeting — Light and truth arose in a
clear sight of the puissance of these three capital
enemies: first, natural fierceness; second, habit,
in too vehement a pursuit of natural studies ;
tliird, the spirit of the world.

27. Avaunt Satan ! the Lord is strengthening,
and promoting my progress.

28. On reading on the types : O what a bles-
sing to us and me, that the antitype, the substance
is come ! Shall we not walk worthy hereof?

3 mo. 13. Well: Christ is assuredly come, and
he says, "Seek first the kingdom of heaven;"
wherefore ^more to spirituals ; but,

the ardour that still attends natural studies !
Lord, lessen it !

1 am the least and latest born among many
brethren : I will quicken my steps.

- Meditation, with a degree of contrition, in the
evening i bnt the dark power at my right-hand.

4 mo. 3. Rev. ix. God sent locusts to punish
Idolaters.

And, surely, we, who have lately denied Jesns
both in practice and tlicory, are also righteously

27

plagued by the incursions of the French ; but do
not seem to look up to the hand that smites, but
merely to second causes.

(i. A deep sense of God's love : may it operate
unto a reconcilement to little cross events !

16. Matin in Kempis ; but Paul the apostle's
description of charity exceeds.

23. An unrighteous murmuring at an unseason-
able call.

Sol. * Cur seculum reliquistiy was Kempis's
query to the monks, and assurely belongs to me,
and to us Quakers, who in speech, habit, and de-
meanour, declare ourselves a separate people.
Lord, help to a consistency !

25. An openness in prayer.

5 mo. 1, At meeting. O the length, breadth,
and depth of God's mercy, on a sober review of
my past life ! He was all along underneath in the
midst of divers infirmities and sins : I ought to
have been far more heavenly minded, unto which
disposition God is now calling with a louder voice.

19. Ate and drank to live.

31. A multitude of paupers : Lord, animate my
administrations to them, and make them more
glorious in my view !

G mo. 5. On some provocations from unrighteous
accusations, silence was my sweet refuge.

9. O what time, study, collation, review, ex-
amination reiterated ; what travels and correspon-
dencies ; what reading ; what expences unspared ;
and all for the mere knowledge of outward medi-
cine! but how little for the inward? Behold, I
turn about : Lord, lead on.

26. Of the infirm and corruptible body, both
thy own and others, enough : I now devote my ves-

.. I , ^ i l l I III

* Why ha»t tbou retired from the wgrld ?

28

per to the soul — God leads into solitude after meet-
ing : I will give way to his drawings.

Read Penington, a man of deep experience and
great sincerity : blessed be the Lord for such com-
pany.

7 mo. 3. At afternoon-meeting — A clear vision
of the imperfection and unhappiness of man in his
most flourishing state, whether of riches or know-
ledge, both stages of temptation and great danger
— and the tendency is, to wean from this world and
to despise it : so Lord, raise and help.

8 mo. 7. There is, assuredly, something in our
ministry beyond that of human appointment,
blessed be the Lord.

N.B. Crossness will be helped by being less
intense in studies.

On reading the Apocalypse — Is it so really, that
there is a false church, which is the object of
God's wrath, and shall be destroyed? Then see
that thou lie out of lier borders.

Ate and drank to live.

9. Was this day presented with Lucas's sar-
castical remarks on my book.

This is a wholesome discipline, though severe:
a controversy ensued : God mingles trouble with
pleasure. There are some imperfections and errors
lu my work : I thank God he has found no more.

■20. An awful sentence : " He that heareth not
this prophet (Christ) shall be cut off."
9 mo. 9. O Lord ! 1 sinned ; the spirit of the
world prevailed in detaining from meeting through
wicked complaisance to a visitor, whom I preferred
before thee, and so am unworthy of thy favour,
according to thy own express declaration. Hereby,
first, my soul was robbed ; second, God's name
was unhallowed, even in these declining times.
IG. " Do less in medicine and nature," saith the

29

Lord, who was with me, drawing on to heavenly-
mindedness: O for the footsteps of those who
avoided worldly incumbrances ! And now, Lord,
support in holding up a light in this respect ! Long
have I pursued nature, and only partially found
her.

10 mo. 7. O how improving, to rise early !
10. Openness in mormng prayer.

1 1 mo. 1 & 2. My servant says, *' I am actually
more cross, notwithstanding my late higher pre-
tensions :" indeed, I do not altogether believe her ;
Lord, however, help to falsify any such testimony
from this time !

17. Read Penington : a high favour, a history
of the experiences of a supernatural man, expe-
riences as far above the natural as heaven is above
earth : Lord, I worship thee for affording this Hot-
able means of salvation.

20. Lord, I will bow and abhor myself in this
the day of mercy, as I did in the day of affliction.

12 mo. 11. Blessed God, for Newton upon Daniel.
16. At a silent-meeting, God was with me

sweetly ; Lord, hasten thy work in my swiftly de-
clining days : O, I fear lest I should be numbered
among hypocrites.

20. A memorable sera, wherein the Fathers
love was sensibly felt, in exalting heaven above
earth, grace above nature ; and a clear vision that
we were never intended for perfection by nature,
and, therefore, that this should never be our aim
nor expectation, nor this world be our rest.

21. On reading Newton on Daniel, a secret
exultation on a conviction of the authenticity of
this prophecy, and of the truth of God's promise to
set up a kingdom that shall never have end : but
what are we poor men, that God should favour us
with such a revelation ? Surely we must be account-

so

flble : Lord I bow before tliee !

22. A visit Gxliibiting the pious labours of Dr.
Henry, Dr. Hales, and tbe bishop of Worcester,
against tlie use of spirituous liquors.

24. God blessed this week in a degree of eon-
sistent walking in heavenly-mindedness.

1758.

1 mo. 7. Again my wretched dwarfislmess ap-
pears; nature liath been pursued smartly, but the
Old Testament much neglected, and read in a piti-
fijl manner, even not with the attention and perse-
verance bestowed on other books, which, however,
it surely more abundantly deserves.

II. O tbe unmerited, inestimable goodness of
the Lord, in placing us in these gospel-days ! May
the weight of the obligation sink deep. A lively
sense of the bounty of God to man in the prophe-
cies concerning the coming of Christ : at the same
time the Devil was at my right-hand.

20. A notable tenderness of spirit at the quar-
terly meeting, and some in others I observed. Yet
at my return home, was dogged in the evening
without just cause.

the unprofitableness of common conversation ;
and how little on spirituals!

Lord, thou art lifting up heaven above earth in
my view, I worship thy goodness.

2 mo. 3. A silent meeting, but very profitable.

1 1 . A thought of farther medical correspondence
from the country ; but as the origin and whole
scope of sucii correspondence is mere body (hith-
erto too much idolized, but to be so no more) the
trumpet of God sounds to eternity : and " Thy
kingdom come," is the prevailing, or to be the
prevailing petition, desire, and scope.

16. On quarterly -review, the paupers are con-

31

siderably more numerous than the solvents, blessed
be the Lord.

18. Beware, lest the physician encroach on the
christian.

21. Ten visits absorbed my matin; scarce a
\rord of Christ to-day.

24. A silent meeting — I saw clearly into that
spirit that would prompt to speak and to be great,
whilst the will is not yet subdued ; and e contra^
that God will speak by children, and by the weak
and humble. Amen.

26. Struggled well, and kept up to conviction
in attending meetings ; performing three visits be-
fore, and one between meetings, both silent, save
for one I deemed a babbler.

Time was, that the Scriptures were magnified
too much ; time is, that they are undervalued most
unrighteously and ungratefully.

3 mo. 3. Struggled hard and got to meeting,
which was blessed with a fresh divine visitation,
as in my youth, to the following purpose ; *'Whoso
loveth father or mother, brother, &c., more than
me, is not worthy of me ;" thus God is weaning ; a
painful operation, as it must needs prove, where so
long continued a bent has been to mere nature ; so
Lord, give only to touch with a trembling hand !
and, soul, remember, that

^* Trees deeply rooted in the ground
Are shivered when they're torn away."

8. Feasted beyond the holy bounds, thrpugh
vicious complaisance.

13. This day an acquaintance broke deeply in
my debt ; the deception great, and the loss con-
siderable ; Lofd, thou hast smitten ; sanctify the
event !

18. O M hat a favour this, to be planted in the

32

true church, out of Bahyion and its corruptions,
and where every motive draws to a holy life, agree-
able to the doctrine and precepts of our Lord.

20. My soul is devoted to suffer with Christ in
our low state.

•29. A renewed confirmation of the peculiar ex-
cellence of our ministry, even in directing unto
Christ, and not unto tliemselves.

4 mo, a. O my grovelling soul, ever prone to
nature and to body. Look up to Jesus,

2H. Opens my anniversary for celebrating God's
deliverance of me from sudden death ; I lie open
to hear what the Lord will say.

5 mo. 14. At a silent meeting, almost overcome
with sleep ; but God gave victory over it, and I
had a modest confidence that the work is going on,
though slowly.

21. At meeting — Was humbled to the following
purpose ; I will submit to the late robbery ; for I
have abused prosperity; I will also submit to every
affliction, and to death itself, which is my due; for
I have sinned.

At a silent meeting— ^Attacked with sleepiness;
but light and fire arose on the altar, blessed be the
Lord.

27. At meeting — O the obligation of our pro-
fession, which is no other than an absolute renun-
ciation of the honours, profits, and pleasures of this
world.

.'JO. At meeting — A clear and blessed irradia-
tion to this purpose ; " As I have sinned against
that Friend who is above all others, even not only
my Creator, but Redeemer, in innumerable short-
nesses and some positive sins, I am a greater of-
fender than my greatest offender is against me;"
and, therefore, I now first forgave him.
ti nio. I. Grant thy holy presence, Lord, in my

33

feasting, my commerce, and my studies both di-
vine and human ! /

2. At a silent meeting — A struggle, wherein
my grovelling heart at the beginning yielded to
nature ; but at length grace prevailed, in a view of
the matchless love of God in Christ.

4. 20 min. past 7. Too late for this day of
devotion : the flesh is weak. Well here is a nota-
ble revolution : silence of late, instead of scolding ;
a tendency, I humbly hope, to an improvement in
spirit. An ardent wish that the just man's path
may be mine.

9. At a silent meeting — Light shone, and I felt
the Father's drawings, and had a glimpse of the
glories of his grace, and he is weaning from the
world.

11. O my liberty and leisure compared to that
of some poor children, who rise at three, and work
most of the day for bare subsistence : Lord sanctify.

24. Impends a feast : soul, awake ; and, Lord,
preserve ! Stayed too long, though the conversa-
tion profitable.

2y. Sol. What lack I yet? more meekness,
more heavenly (less earthly) mindedness, more
tetnperance, and self denial. A little nearer ac-
cess in prayer, with humble hope.

7 mo. 8 Opens my anniversary celebration of
my vow — It was a time ofespousals never to be for-
gotten : my progress was and is very slow. The
Devil at my right-hand in my spiritual exercise.
. 7 mo. 8. Sol. Who so favoured with leisure?
Thou art as the willow planted by the water-side,
whose leaf ought not to fail : but O the weakness
under all these advantages ! Christ has lately
been set open to thee, both as come in the flesh,
and exalted in glory, and his providence over his
church demonstrated to thee from the Apocalypse ;

34

but what influence has this on thyHfe? Adoration,
at, least, arises, and O that it may not prove with-
out effect otherwise.

9. On reading the Jesuit's Spiritual Itetreat —
It is comfortable to see how many sheep Christ
hath, though not of this fold.

O the stupidity of men in their contempt of the
Gospel of Christ !

2fi. A nearer access in prayer, and more se-
dateness this morning.

2y. At meeting — O the long-forbearance and
bounty of God to me, during a series of infirmities
and splendid worldly-mi ndedness, shining with
the false lustre of moral righteousness !

8 mo. 12. On occasion of our dealing out private
admonitions, a degree of fear seizes, lest the con-
versation should not be consistent. Lord, increase
my fear,

13. Reproved a minister for an inordinate zeal
about mint and anise, and he publicly retracted at
the next opportunity,

17. The Jesuit's book was blessed to rae, in
npplying his advice to regulars, to us Quakers,
"wlio, also, are a set of regulars, evidently marked
and called out of tite world, distinguished by
badges, and by an avowed renuncialion of the su-
perfluous honours, profits, and pleasures of the
world ; and thou, O my soul ! of the inordinate
study of nature.

24. O my folly, even the greatest part of my
life, to let the care of the bodies only of other men,
preponderate over the care of my own soul, and
its redemption by Christ, and much more over the
care that is found in some for the souls of others I
but. Lord, blessed be thy love! M'im art turning
my heart to these better, worthier objects: so,
Lord, turn and keep turned.

47. Mark i. 35. " In the morning very early,
Jesu3 went out into a solitary place, and prayed
there ;" soul, what art thou doing?

;H. Opened the first essay of a monthly retreat ;
a driy ill which light, truth, and favour reigned.

As this exercise proceedeth upon a supposition
that I was to give an account to God this day, I
M'ill confess my sins fully.

Days without number have I preferred earth to
heaven, nature to grace ; behold, I turn about, and
with a weak and obscure faith view thee, Jesus,
whom I have slighted, even as unto whom all
power in heaven and earth is committed, as the
searcher of hearts and j udge of quick and dead ! I
have eaten like a swine sometimes. I have been
very barren and unfruitful in conversation, declin-
ing to hold up the testimony before men. I have
often drank, not to live, but to please men, at the
hazard of the absolute loss of thy favour, Lord ;
Lord have mercy, and cleanse ! I have, indeed, in
my studies ever had usefulness in view ; but with
a mixture of ambition, not from pure charity. I
have preferred the health of men's bodies to that
(tf their souls ; Lord, I have sinned ; and as thou
hast enlightened me to see the superior excellency
of the soul, send forth more light and more love,
thou gracious fountain of both. I have been angry
without cause ; I will ask forgiveness of the offend-
ed — This was done, blessed be the Lord !

O how should all these sins and imperfections
wean from this state !

O tiie bounty of God to me ! O sweet evening
of the day unmerited ! Almost every obstacle to
heroic virtue is removed : I will extol Divine
Goodness in self-abasement. ,

9 mo. 9. Above a third of thy time, thy precious
time, in bed.

The world was thy Lord when thou drankest to
please men : Lord, dethrone the usurper!

God is more honoured in my humble state, in
niy'profession, thun in my getting large fees.

Dogged in the evening.

How shall I get the better of this damnable evil?
1 will double the watch ; Lord, do thou preserve,
and it shall be done : Amen ! and let there be
no longer confessions without amendment, as
among my brethren C:atholics, alike in spirit, in
this case in God's sight.

O the beauty of William Edniundson's testi-
mony : "The things of the world bore no master-
ship over us ; but the glory of the Lord filled our
bearta."

'J'he Devil at my right-hand to puff up ; Lord,
bruise him under my feet! Surely, there must be
a better state.

15. A visit to the illuminators to little effect;
Lord, give more courage, and more antipathy to
war and lighting; thou bast led the way to save
and not to destroy. Surely, we, the called out of
the world, should have nothing to do either with
their rejoicings or mournings ; but, O for the pre-
valence of the heavenly power and spirit which
alone can enable to stand stedfast in this singula-
rity, both in form and power.

10 mo. 2. Quest. How hast thou fulfilled thy
vow ?

Answ. Pretty well in private and public devo-
tion, and a slow, but real growtii is witnessed : to
God be the glory ! But here is still room for more
temperance in eatinp; and drinking, and still too
much of t\ie bent of the mind to nature, and too
little fervency of love for the mysteries of faith
and Christian redemption: Lord, I love thee:
Lord, increase my love.

S7

3. t* God so loved the world that he sent his
only begotten Son into the world :" a most pre-
cious declaration, far more valuable than any
position in philosophy.

15. At meeting — Truth was triumphant in the
ministry, and in prayer, Lord, raise up nursing
fathers to the youth I

23. Is it so, that we are distinguished beyond
others by an evangelical ministry ? Why then
have we so little of it ? Surely, for want of love,
and that some other object hath stolen away the
hearts of the people : and so we are in that spirit
of the priests; "No money, no paternoster,"

28* Eleven visits and no fee, blessed be the
Lord!

11 mo. 12. At the morning-meeting, this query
pierced my heart : " Of what advantage hath thy
religious profession been, and wherein dost thou
excel barbarians ?"

Answ. (In the afternoon) In a holy hunger after
righteousness; in a daily cross*bearing in opposi-
tion to the worldly spirit ; in being limited in my
most darling studies ; in the hope of the gospel,
as a revelation of a better state ; and in a prepa-
ration for death ; in collecting materials for the
?ublic, bodi temporal and spiritual, blessed be the
-ord !
- 28. In Ibe night season, some sense of the di-
vine excellency of some of the precepts of the
gospel ; but this day was wholly absorbed in

fractice : no meeting, nor a word of Jesus, so that
am in arrear, but not of choice.

12 mo. 17. Sol. O the dignity and vast extent
of thy profession as a Quaker, even as one called
out of* the corruptions of the age in which thou
livest, not in speech and garb merely, but in tJie
renunciation of every superfluous and vain honour,

38

I

profit, and pleasure, as a Cliristian, at first sight
distineiiished from Ins neighbours, and of wliom
an uniformity of conduct in all respects is expect-
ed, even on pain of the just censure of hypocrisy.

175.9.

1 nio. 17. Refused a feast, on principle, blessed
be the Lord.

21. Sang praises to God in the night.

2G. At a silent meeting, the fire was on the
altar, drawing from the earth, and all that is spe-
cious and goodly in it.

28. Seven o'clock. Rose at the call of the
Lord Jesus, in order to improve this day (the first
of the week) spiritually, as much as another day
temporally, well knowing that a translation doth
impend.

2 mo. 4. 30 min. past 5. Opened a holy vigil :
on a strict review of my life, deep humility and
self-abasement is my portion as long as I live.

At meeting — Let thy love to the world be pro-
portioned to thy short stay in it, even become less
and less.

An humble hope that God's calm presence, out
of the tempest, thunder, and lightning, is with me,
in my humble practice of medicine, and in this
writing.

The Lord said, " Thou must not only love na-
ture less, but do less in that respect, in order to
acquire a heavenly habit."

24. Remember thy servant's rebuke, that thou
art moved by a straw.
4 mo. 4. Discharged my duty in speaking to the
children ; but Lucifer at my riubt-hand after.

14. At a silent meeting — O the long-forbear-
ance of God to me, even whilst idolising nature!
Surely, this should lend to long-forbearance to my
brethren.

39

S mo. 6. How do worldlings for the mere point
of honour, V. K. Soldiers, sacrifice their rest, and
even lives. But what do we for Christ !

8. Rose about four, on principle,

A meltin!^ meeting in the ministerial service,
and I was enamoured with the pecidiar glory of
our ministry, with an admiration of God's unmea-
Burable goodness held forth to an unworthy people.

10. I was in company with my betters, men
fur beyond me in the heavenly life : however, 1
love the brethren, and savour the sweetness of spi-
ritual fellowship.

27. Lord, sweeten my sourness ! Christ's doc-
trine on tiie mount was impressed, as what would
root it out fundamentiy, in the heavenly love and
meekness by him recommended.

Surely, the people in general do not steadfastly
believe in Christ.

31. In the course of the religious visit, a single
superfluous glass hurt the service, in clouding the*
diuiiia parlicula aurfe: Lord, pity and pardon.

fi mo. 2."1. The widow Allen, of Cork, sits up
whole nights with sick persons, from a principle
of benevolence.

7 mo. "ifK A good time under the ministry of
women, with a most tender, evangelically-spirited
call to the giddy youth and the covetous elder —
thus are the women taking our crowns from us.
a mo. 10. Weak and peevish.

The latent seed of life is burdened with the pre-
vailing conversalion about wars, even wholly en-
grossed on that subject, and rejoicing at the ravage*
which the real Christian deplores.

25. An extract of some sweet flowers from the
scriptures ,

40

28. God gave resolution and integrity to attend
both meetings of worship and discipline with indus-
try, on the recovery of my bodily strength.

Behold the ease of our religious establishment,
surely, far short of what is required of every Chris-
tian, and of the practice of the religious in former
times, mid still far short of what our real wants call
for, viz. Eight hours iti a week only are devoted
to public worship, i. e. no more than one-third of a
natural day ; but yet it must he observed, thateven
this one-third is fur from being duly attended to ;
and, to sny the truth, among the multitude of those
now professing with us, not above one-twelfth of
the twenty-four hours, viz. Two hours on fisrt-day
morning are devoted to public worship, and what
to private by these is known only to the Omnisci-
ent: but can such a people expect to prosper in
spirituals ; can they expect to make head against
the puissant enemy of souls? And, O, thou ray
soul ! who hast hitherto been too much immersed
in the cares of mere body, and participated of the
corruptions of the times, awake, awake, to superior
diligence, and remember, that he who soweth spa-
ringly shall reap sparingly.

9 mo. 5. At the school-meeting, dischai^ed. my
conscience in simplicity.

16. A glorious company of poor patients in
Canaan".s language : Lord, support.

At meeting — A sweet gospel-spirit in tiie min-
istry.

■24. Sweet Jcnus, thou hast few and poor advo-
cates, and some very weak ones.

■Jo, O the weight of the work of sanctification,
far away beyond words, which are but shadows,
and, without the life, idols: am I not coming to
the life of the words, to the power in which the
kingdom is said to stand ?

41

A very humbling, mortifying retrospection from
1741 to 1750, which was a sort of interregnum in
spirituals, nature and natural studies prevailing
over grace. O the mercy of God in thus waiting
for my repentance.

10 mo. 3. At the school meeting, spoke to the
children in a spiritual capacity ; but Satan buffet-
ed afterwards, prompting to pride : but light and
truth triumphed. Thou art to rejoice in no gift,
but this only, that thy name is, or may be, written
in the Lamb's book of life.

12. I have not yet learned to drink righteously ;
but I saw in the clear vision that, if I will proceed
to perfection, I must be more an alien to the corrupt
humours of the age, and even of divers of my ac-
quaintances in this very respect, and must stick
closer to the secret whispers of the Holy Spirit.
Amen, sweet Jesus, amen !

22. One of our saints, whilst prosecuting his
temporal concerns, made every thing give way to
the spiritual, particularly in the attendance at
meetings.

28. Two in the morning. Opened a holy vigil,
and accordingly rose in the night, with a revival
of a sense of the church's now coming out of the
apostacy, and a serious desire of being one of her
sons, particularly in an increase of heavenly-mind-
edness ; and I was comforted in a view of the glory
of the gospel-day, and of the knowledge of Christ
Jesus as the Son and Sent of God, and of a subjec-
tion to him as such, as preferable to all other
knowledge.

1 1 mo. 3. A spirit of devotion in two prayers at
the meeting of business.

9. Formality has overspread other professors,
but now attacka us, a set of professed separatists,
who, when without the power, are deeper hypocrites
than any. f

42

14. The day concluded sweetly, with ii solid
flense that God is opening himself in nature to the
diligent enquirer.

•20. O for the holy tremour, and neutrality in
temporals.

'1-1. Uttered a rash word.
12 mo. 1. O my stupidity ! O let this coming
of Christ, and this immortality hrought to light hy
the gospel, have more influence on my temper and
manners than it has bad.

4. A silent but sweet meeting.

25. Opens my sixty-second year : I formerly
said, " If 1 arrive at sixty, 1 shall be pretty easy :"
but I find I am still too "much grovelling after na-
ture : Lord, lift up to grace ! and particidarly to
the love of Christ Jesus, as the Son and Sent of
God, and of his precepts.

1700.
■2mo. 17. Resumed Law's Serious Call ; blessed
be the Lord ! for this true sheep of Christ, of ano-
ther fold, renouncing every superfluity, as much as
we, and for strong Christian reasons.

28. At a silent meeting, a sweet attraction of
the Father's love.

3 mo. 2, At meeting — God has left us yet one man
to speak the truth as it is in Jesus : Lord, send it
home.

25. God sanctified my view of Ihe retrograda-
tion of others M'itli this resolution, that 1 will, with
his aid, go forward in as great a proportion as they
ore going backwards.

4 mo. 25. A sweet time at meeting; but tli^e im-
pression was hurt bj' a frivolous dispute afterwards.

Humbled under a sense of God's prescience, of
^hicli we have no conception. Avaunt all osten-
tation of science.

43

5 mo. 18. I will praise thee, O Lord, who hast
sent forth thy light, truth, and love abundantly to
me ! Let them guide me ! so draw, so wean, yet
more and more ! Days without number have I
slighted thy goodness, and preferred nature to
grace. Thou hast turned me about — help for-
ward. Canst thou not sweeten my sourness tho-
roughly? Canst thou not tread Satan under my
feet?

6 mo. 10. O the blessings and comfort of the
holy scriptures, now searched and applied in my
old age.

12. A sweet history of a vara avis, a consci-
entious inn-keeper.

29. Dejection of spirits at meeting, succeeded
however, by a fresh irradiation of light and truth,
and the instrumental appearances good : but the
grand concern now, is more weaning from natural
science, and even from too close spiritual reading :
thus God is leading on sweetly.

7 mo. 13. At a silent meeting: a sweet humb-
ling, tendering time ; and a deprecation of intem-
perance, and of the prevalence of the spirit of the
world.

8 mo. 7. Five in the morning. Sang praises in
the night.

23. Read Gill's comment on the Old Testa-
ment, with pleasure and gratitude to God : O how
favoured beyond thousands of my inferiors.

24. Days, weeks, months, and years, have I
neglected thee, sweet Jesus, thee of whom the pro-
phets bear witness, and of the glory of this thy gos-
pel-day ; so that the subjects which of right should
have been the darling entertainment of my youth,
«re now become those of my declining day ! good-
ness to be admired and adored.

9 mo. 5. A spiritual visit to a youth, with little
present effect,

A silent and oooci iiieetiiig : O tiiou who over-
earnest the world, give me to overcome it and my
own lust. Some awful sense of the doubtfulness
of the inward warfare too little thought of, whilst
the artillery of the outward enemy is counted ex-
actly.

lU. A troublesome day : choler, indigestion,
and unseasonable visits,

15. 45 min. past 5. Wakened alive in the
spirit, and saw the necessity of more seriousness in
that, not only the love, but wrath of God is revealed
from heaven by Christ. O tlie baseness of our
nature, that love alone, and all the sweet and gra-
cious promises, will not drive home ; but terror
must be called in, and is necessary ! See llom. i.
and 2 Thes. i.

19. At meeting, this truth was sealed upon my
mind, that there is no wisdom but in the truth as
it is in Jesus, and that all who do not possess this
are fools : thus light and truth prevailed over a
preceding heaviness, some fatigue, and a moist
atmosphere conspiring.

21. At afternoon meeting— To make our calling
and election sure, and to long to be with Clirist,
impressed immediately, as attainments of the ut-
most importance.

28. My will, O Lord, is not entirely as thy will,
whence these murmurs else on tritles ! O subdue
and reduce to an entire conformity.

lOmo. 5. At meeting — What is the sin that so
easdy besets? I think, the love of nature. A
bright illumination and Httractton to redeeming my
time, my precious time, in this heel of the evening
time past having been too little devoted to spirituals.

Afternoon meeting silent, where, after a smart

45

struggle with sleepiness, light and truth shone out
and God drew me nearer to himself on the wings
of faith and love.

12. Behold the character of a genuine Quaker :
he worships God in spirit, and hath no confidence
in the flesh, in words, and exteriors, but in the life,
virtue, power, and substance ; nor in any types
nor representations, but is swallowed up in the
antitype.

True gospel-simplicity shone in a woman : the
men are too wise and too worldly.

11 mo. 1. A life yet more retired, and abstem-
ious, would give greater liberty in spirituals.

2. Reviling and unrighteous language from a
brother : I bless thee, Lord, who hast supported
me in this trial, and given me a bridle for my
tongue : thou, Rock of Ages, art my confidence !
Thus these troubles drive closer home : O the pri-
vileges of the sincere !

11. A memorable day to be recorded for the
following sweet and instructive illuminations re-
ceived at a silent meeting, viz. Thou art surround-
ed by a cloud of witnesses, even the saints who are
placed in thy way, animating to superior love and
ardour in the paths of piety and virtue.

23. The first-day of the week ; rose at six, thus
following the Lord's leadings, even in redeeming
the hours, the many precious hours, which I have
lost, irrevocably lost, in sleep in the mornings of
this solemn day.

25. God was with me in the hours of tempta-
tion, in lifting up grace above nature.

12 mo. 2. Two in the morning. Rose with this
^weet impression : he that fed Israel with manna
in the wilderness, will, also, be thy support in the
trials, being the everlasting Rock and Refuge of
his children.

46

4. Lay too late in Goil's estimation, losing
time.

A Cliristless day, except the morning and eve-
nine SFicriiice, being absorbed in practice, and tiie
medical society, and some curiosities of little mo-
ment in my present view of things, wlien the day
of tile Lord is come upon all pleasant pictures, and
nothing Init wiiat is of solid use to the good of one's
neighbour is to be entertained.

8 The forty-second of Isaiali is a clear descrip-
tion of our Lord, Christ, and applicable to no othef
person: behold, this is our diiy, our blessed day,
even of salvation and redemption by him.

10. The forty second of Isaiah a clear descrip-
tion of Christ: 1 will, indeed, sing the new song
mentioned in that chapter, even the song of thanks-
giving to God, for the inestimable gift of his Soh
to us Gentiles.

\'2. A precious silent meeting, wherein, atnfdst
the open desertions of public worship by others,
God supported me, and I worshipped him in
amazement for his long-forbearance toward me for
a series of years.

2.3. At two in the morning. Rose and worship-
ped, and returned to bed : went not home, but to
meeting, leaving temporals all behind, and light
and truth shone on my soul : was conducted into
the valley of humility, self-contempt, and a sense-
of God 8 imutterable love to me. Vowed to abide
here.

30. A precious silent meeting; an illumination
there on Peter's denying his Lord, but under very
trying circumstances, even wlien the whole world
of Jews and Gentiles was against them, and, more-
over, he as yet but a yonng and weak disciple;
but some of us deny him in a state of tranquillity,
even whilst the powers of the earth favour us ; and

47

neglect divine worship, except to gratify the itch-
ing ear, refusing to come to Christ as the King
invisible and Lord of his church : but thou, O my
soul ; must go on to confess him in this time of
desolation.

1761.

1 mo. 1. Idmin.past7. Monthly retreat : rose
at the Lord's call.

A doubt with respect to denying Christ, even in
every little instance where man is feared more than
God, v. g. in drinking a single drop to please man,
and injure the temple of the Holy Ghost: Lord,
give that courage that is greater than that of the
CsBsars or Alexanders of this world, even to confess
thee before men !

20. Four o'clock. Wakened in a sweet and
joyous frame : Lord, be with my enemy, and grant
that he and I may move in that sphere which thou
hast allotted : a root of pride is also in me : lay
thy axe to it.

A most blessed luminous time during the silent
part of the meeting : and a clear evidence of a fu-
ture and better state, arising singly from the con-
sideration of the low state of grace among the
professors of Christianity in this time.

Too impetuous on a provocation.

2 mo. 4. Seven o'clock. A hurrying morning : but
a secret irradiation of light prevailed and controul-
ed : so. Lord, send forth thy light and tliy truth.

10. This (the world) is not thy rest, seemed to
be the watch-word in the morning.

Rejoiced in the late instances of the spread of the
kingdom of Christ in the new awakenings among
others : so come thy kingdom, Lord !

10. An almost Christless-day through the in-
tervention of naturals.

I

«

Sinfully morose on an unseasonable cair. "'
27. I protracted an hour extraordinary, sitting
np late for natural studies ; but, O ! when did I,
in like manner, devote an hour extraordinary for
the Lord's, or rather fur my soul's sake? When
did 1 sit np till midnight on that account? O the
scantiness of my love !

3 mo. 3. And again, let us rejoice in the God of
our salvation, who hath made us captains in his
host upon earth : Lord, give support in this awful
station !

At the meeting succeeding, a greater degree of
contrition and humiliation than usual : I abhorred
myself, and that justly, in the Lord's presence, so
as hardly to bear myself.

4. Two in the morning. Rose with a song, in
blessing God for bringing his people out of the
grand apostacy of Popish darkness.

Another occasion for praising God was this : he
hath made and will make thee a whetstone : this
was evident on our last ecclesiastical journey.

0. Surely, the error of the Jews, in looking for
a splendid outward Christ, is the error of this day
of the many in their contempt of the King invi-
sible.

10. A silent meeting, and not one minister, but
Jesus himself, was present.

13. The silent meeting was glorious: I see
God's work in my heart prospers ; but yet saw my
barrenness this day in the omission of a reproof
due to lukewarmness.

Righteous art thou, O l,or(i, in thy ordinance,
that we should eat onr bread in the sweat of our
brow ; that the ground, accursed for our sakes,
should bring forth thorns and thistles, various cares,
afflictions, and disappointments!

10. 30 min. past 2. Rose and worshipped O

49

the long suffering of God to me I May it lead to
repentance.

4 mo. 3. It is literally true, that God hath given
unto me such a profusion of blessings as there is
not room to contain.

5. 30 min. past 3, Wakened with a spiritual
song, and being very lively, rose at the heavenly
call.

I see clearly my brethren like half-drowned ani-
mals, unable to transact the affairs of the church.
God has given thee more leisure : may he sanctify
it, and influence, not to despair upon this occasion,
but to more diligence, and heavenly-mindedness ;
and that thou mayest not only go, but run the race.

A sweet gospel -sound in preaching and prayer,
and the Lord said unto me, ** I have long borne
with thy sins, and thou must now bear with those
of others, even unrighteous insults and reproaches.''

6. Held my usual monthly-conference with a
spiritual brother, (though notof this fold) the result
of which was, that this is not our rest, but a pil-
grimage, a state of sorrows and joys, weaknesses,
sins, trials and temptations, and that we are travel-
ling to a better country, and that God favours us
in our progress in the everlasting path leading
thereunto, and we are a mutual help to each other.

7. At two in the morning : rose with a spiritual
song.

9. An ecclesiastical journey, and a sweet time,
in remembrance of death, and of the Lord's good-
ness to me.

26. Behold -ft little sin become a great one, in
the true light : and 'see how the little foxes hurt the
tender vine : one glass of wine sometimes too much.,
as it proved this day, taken just before meeting :
it fumes up and darkens the upper region : God's
precept to Aaron and his sons, Lev. x. 9. •* Drink

I

50

ho wine nor strong drink Hlien ye go into tlie ta-
bernacle of the congregation, lest ye die," staiida
good to this day.

6 mo. 2. () the superfluity of booka on natural
subjects, purchased and not read, whilst the sacred
boob has been neglected, and Christ Jesus, the
Son and Sent of God, the Light of the world, the
Searcher of hearts, the Judge of quick and dead,
has been sliahted days without number I

10. I will put on humility and self-contempt to
a deep degree for my contempt and alight of thee,
days without number, sweet Jesus, thou Son and
Sent of God, thou Light of the world, and Judge
of quick and dead! So help. Lord, and exclude
pride for evermore ! may it never appear within
my borders ! Surely, every calamity that has hap-
pened, or may happen, is my due.

17. At meeting, the fire burned bright on the
altar, and the vision was clear, that the Lord's glo-
rious day is upon the idol of my heart.

29. 30 min. past 5. Now, Lord, am I tempted
to tlie boundless pursuit of nature, thy works never
lobe thoroughly investigsited : let thy li^ht and
truth moderate, limit and direct to the proper end,
nnd exalt grace above it.

31. At a silent meeting — A degree of assurance
of God's favour.
G mo. 28. O how hard for the rich, and O how
hard for the learned to enter the kingdom.

30. God's reasoning with Job, "Where wast
thou when 1 laid the foundations of the earth," fee.
applicable to my present state and inquiries, nud
ample subject for humiliation and adoration r yea,
We are poor purblind mortals ; yet we see a little,
an{l (Job XXXV. 11.) " God teacheth us more than
the beasts of the earth, and maketh us wiser than
the fowls of heaven," adored be his goodnese.

51

7 mo. 3. To walk in truth is the grand i^cope,
viz. Truth in sleeping, truth in eating, trutli in
drinking, truth in studies natural to be subjected,
truth in spirituals to be lifted up and pursued with
fiuperior ardour. • So help, Lord !

At a silent meeting, a sweet attraction of the
father's love, to superior heights of purity, and the
improvement of every Christian grace, and several
scripture-texts presented, all for my own use, and
not for the people. So give me. Lord Jesus, to
learn at thy footstool, and to walk in, not to talk
of, thy ways, at least until a real further growth be
witnessed, which is the sole point now in view, in
a language beyond words. What is the shadow to
the substance, to the life, power, and virtue?

6. Talk after meeting hurtful, retirement ad-
vantageous.

8. In the country, sweet content, tranquillity,
and thankfulness, in a quiet retreat from the pur-
suits of ambition.

20. Remember, remember, and practise ac*
cordingly, that the worship of God consists not in
words, but in an inward bowing, submission, and
conformity of will to his holy will on every occa*
sion : and thus now thou dost preach, and shalt
preach, even by the example of silence in meetings,
thus recommending works, power, life, and sub-
stance, ever to be magnified above words, which
are but shadows.

21. Inevitable hurries preceded the meeting,
and belated me ; but the Lord was gracious, and
gave a sweet access to him, in some degree, of an
increase of faith and love, and in the sight of the
cloud of witnesses raised up among ourselves.

8 mo. 2. A true gospel-sound at meeting to-day
in a sweet, humble invitation to carnal professors,
in a home remonstrance on the neglect of week-

I
I

I

52

day meeting«, for a testimony liekl up of loving
t hiist more tlian the world, and as a touclistone
of llie spirits of men as to tlie worldly or heavenly
temper.

9. Bishop Ken, and some other writers of that
church, and our friends, all point to Christ, and
surely are all brethren, all Christians differently
modified: we the least ceremonious of all : we cry
down words, hut exalt life and works.

10. At meeting, some tender exhortations to
others ; but God's voice to me was far more useful,
in an unfolding and applying of that saying of the
Lord Jesus, that father, mother, wife and children,
brethren and sisters, yea, and thine own life also,
is to be hated when thou comest unto Christ, and
that otherwise thou canst not be his disciple : thus
in a clear vision, all the goodly things of this
world, even the objects of lawful, but moderated
love, are to be hated in comparison of Christ : thou
art to look with an eye of faith into the glories of
the invisible world, and despise the friendships of
this, and even useful science itself, in comparison
with liie love of God in Christ unto thee. Amen !

•20. A Christless day devoted to a botanic walk,
and an incommodious visit at a great distance.

9 mo. i). Bishop Ken's catalogue of sins was
matter of instruction and humiliation to me, being
applied home thus :

I have been too negligent in hallowing the name
of God in a vigilant forecast for a more early at-
tendance on divine worship.

I have (O the corruption of this heart of mine !)
feared man more than God, wdienever I have sin-
ned in drinking throngh complaisance,

1 have been impatient under little crosses, the
ordinance of God to us the lapsed sons of Adam,
whilst, at the same time, the sorrow for sin has
been far less lively.

53

I have been too unprofitable under the ministry,
not enough chewing the cud.

I have been sometimes guilty of rash censure.

An angelic hint from the said Bishop is, not
only to forgive them that trespass against us, but
to desire a double portion of God's spirit to ani-
mate us to pray for them, even as the Lord hath
said, *' Pray for them who despitefuUy use you,
and persecute you."

In short upon an impartial survey, my defects
and sins are so many, that unless they be drowned
in the ocean of God's love, I perish : wherefore, O
God, and Father of our Lord Jesus, in his name I
ask forgiveness and true gospel-repentance. I
will mourn a little over him whom I have pierced :
O give to mourn more.

O the favour unmerited, neglected, unutterable,
of the light of the glorious gospel bestowed upon
me, whilst the greatest part of the world is totally
ignorant of it ! O for a suitable return in fruits
meet for such favour, and for such repentance as
above !

Bless the Lord also, O my soul ! for his late
signal deliverance of the British Isles from im-
pending desolation : and, Lord, favour every hon-
est endeavour among all ranks of Christians for
the promotion of true Christianity in the life, spirit,
and essentials thereof!

25. A sensible progress in hallowing the name
of the Lord, in an earlier attendance on public
worship, and in forgiving an injury, and in drink-
ing the bitter cup of reproach for truth's sake,
blessed be ihe Lord !

10 mo. 4. In the afternoon: Christ says, "Seek
the kingdom first :" I have sought it last : to thy
mercy. Lord, do I fly : but give also to redeem the
time with double diligence.

.1, Htid our moiillily spirituiil conference : we
liope God hijth heard our prayers in givinj; some
degree of victory over anger, blessed be his good-
ness 1

A sweet harmony and concurrence in perform-
ing spiritual visits to weak brethren.

10. My matin spent in the lives of little saints,
even of children of thirteen years and less, who
saw into the glories of the invisible world by an
^_ eyeoffaith.

^^H 23. A most memorable meeting, although si-

^^P lent. I wiis greatly comforted in my approach to

^^ the Lord, even on this blessed experience : "The

trial of your faith is more precious than that of

gold which perisheth," -verified in my being sup-

P ported under the religious public visit, when most

of our fellow- professors have forsaken us: but, at
the same time, I was humbled under a sense that
the trial of my patience in little domestic crosses
bath not been equally successful. The importance
of the visit appears more and more.

11 mo. 1. Wert thou to come to judgment this
night, how couldst thou stand? Answ. I have no
plea but God's mercy in Christ, whom days with-

Lout number I have slighted.
More temperance, more meekness at home, more
heavenly-mindedness, and more of the heart-
piercing tender filial fear of God I these are thy
defects, O soul i
8, Sol. As thou hast witnessed a sensible
growth in spiritual experience, in thy exercise
among the youth, so despair not, but proceed in
humility and fear, and God will increase thy store,
thy spiritual fund of Christian graces.
14. A feast, which was burdensome, and not
wholly without sin : must I go out of the world?
No: but decline the occasions of sin.

J

55

28. I am a door keeper, an appendix in the
house ; and even in this will I rejoice and thank
God, being unworthy of this honour, having
slighted Christ days without number, and pursued
nature in an idolatrous way, O, give to redeem
the time !

12 mo. 10. Mark veil the parable of the seed
and highway ground, as assuredly applicable to
sudden transitions from devotion to converse on
worldly matters ; a too, too frequent practice :
soul, beware of the contagion !

20. Comforted under a solid assurance that the
great work prospers ; and worshipped God for his
special bounty in favouring with higher degrees of
evangelical love and purity in my declining days,
and particularly in upholding in fortitude under
sufferings and the cross, my present lot, and as £
humbly hope, the high road to glory !

22. A blessed time at a silent meeting: God,
indeed, is drawing to a growth, not in the branch,
but in the root, even in exercising and increasing
those less resplendent graces of patience in the
reception of abuse, and in the renunciation of
worldly glory and riches, and in a contempt of the
multitude.

31, My spiritual socio is humble and modest ;
witness one of his sayings, ** What lack I yet? is
applicable to Christians of the highest growth."
He sounded the mystery of godliness deeper than
I, being my useful help meet and improver, both
at this and other opportunities : and 1 bless ihee.
Lord, for this real communion of saints; and so
that the truth shine, no matter by whom ; let me
be abased.

176-2.
1 mo, 3. Humbled under a review of the days

50

without number in which I have slighted Christ,
and saw that contempt and chastisement is iny
due, not praise, nor any honour at all ; nor have I
any refuge but the mercy of God in Christ Jesns.

ti. On speaking to the children, buffetings of
the power of darkness, and a temptation to decking
with the Lord's Jewels followed.

7. Jerom of Prague's prophecy : " A new peo-
ple shall be raised iip, who shall renounce the
glory of the world, and seek after the cultivation
of the inward man, audshall have clerks and min-
isters among themselves, whilst those of human
appointment sliall gradually consume away like a
moth."

Kj. A secret whisper, that more fasting and
prayer are enjoined me, as preparatives to the
grand work impending of visiting families.

]f>. Pestered with satanic injections; Lord,
deliver !

2 mo. -5. The Lord hath favoured me with a sit-
uation in the low valley, even contentment with a
little in all respects, whilst the mountains of ambi-
tion are waste and wild.

6. Bless the Lord, O my soul ! that he has
given thee to see good days in the prosperity of
Christ's kingdom in the hearts of those of other
societies, and inspired with hopes of our happy
union, partly here, but perfectly hereafter.

7. An useful practical hint from my socio, viz.
" In our spiritual visits, our sitting in silence is a
lessou of iiiPtruction in families that they may do
so likewise."

IH. Proceeded on the family visit, with an old
woman well instructed in the essentials and vitals
of Christianity, and directed by Divine Wisdom to
speak pertinently : blessed be God ! who thus
manifests strength in weakness, and exalts those.of

5T

Iqw degree, . whilst the wise and prudent of this
world are rejcted.

19. Satan said, " What business hast thou with
others?" But was answered thus, **It is no more
than meet that an old traveller, at the end of his
journey, should relate to the young ones the dan-
gerous spots he has passed through."

22. In the course of the visit, the old woman
aforesaid, my associate, out- shone me by numerous
degrees, even in private, pertinent, useful, and. im-
portant exhortations to individuals; a work of
more and closer labour than public preaching.
Good Lord, bless it !

3 mo. 2. Wakened with a sweet alarm of praise,
and a secret hope of perfect liberty from the power
of all temptations.

10. Five o'clock. Ever comforted by this
early rising, all works prosper the better for it.

26. God poured contempt on all my labours in
nature, however useful and specious, and shewed
me a spiritual idolatry therein, even in the prefer-
ence given them to the mysteries of grace, and in
the manifestation of the secret motives of ambition
defiling them, in preferring knowledge which puf-
feth up, to charity which editieth : so that in Ca-
naan's language, all my specious righteousness
became as filthy rags.

4 mo. 4. O sweet solitude and humility ! open-
ing scenes of duty to my neighbours, brethren, and
countrymen, which would be entirely overlooked
in the crowd, as sure as Jesus was lost there by
Mary and Joseph : thus will 1 glory in attending
to little things, not envying kings or princes, tem-
poral or spiritual, seeing the great risk which real
solid virtue runs in those stations.

6. A precious season at meeting, my mind was
enlarged in its view of the duties of the first table,

H

in which 1 aaw my tlef'ectfl to be covered only by
the mercy of God in Christ.

It 19 but lately that I liave seen things ia a true
gospel-light.

8. My deception all along, until about the time
of my etfeetual call at the tenth hour, has been
this, that my heaven was to be here ; but since the
darting forth of the ray of the heavenly light, I see
it 19 not to be here : and this I take to be the com-
mon error of every unregeuerate man, even to pur-
sue heaven or happiness here ; but upon trial, he
tind& all to be a dream or a shadow : blessed be
the Lord Jesus, for sending this illumination in
these uiy declining days I

12. Unseasonable engagements immediately
Succeeding the public worship, ever hurtful, and
hinder the due application of the truths received.

14. An interview with J. Wesley, with an
agreeable account of the destruction of bigotry,
and the prevalence of universal charity in Scotland,
and of the permanence and increase of the heaven-
ly fire kindled among the colliers in 1737, and
next among the miners.

10. A precious season at meeting, with a com-
fortable sense that God is. indeed, lifting up his
spirit aa a standard against tlie incursions of the
enemy in the glory and incumbrancesof the world :
and a sweet sense of the superiority of the gospel-
dispensation of grace and truth, in preference to -
the bondage of the law of types and shadows.

18. Thou hast devoted half an hour in the
morning, and an hour in the evening, to commu-
nion with thy Maker, and no retrospection : be-
God in subtracting any part i

llie hour.

Yesterday, unriglitcously

r.ured ;

fid

Travelled zealously, on an appointment of the
meeting, for the Lord's sake : I feel an animating
spirit, and a spirit of subjection to labours and
crosses : Lord, prosper and increase it !

27. A blessed silent meeting, in an infallible
view of want of a child-like submission to the
crosses of little events, amounting to no less than
insolence against my Maker.

Sol. In the SM'eat of thy brow shalt thou eat
thy bread ; a part of our Father's curse is also
comparatively entailed upon the labours, even the
mental toils and anxieties, that attend the pursuit
of natural knowledge; even so, Lord, hath it
seemed good to thee !

5 mo. 1 • A sweet gospel-sound and confession
of sins in S. S., a precious, humble, intelligent,
and clear minister : blessed be the Lord ! who
hath thus given me to sit among princes : for truly
these are kings and priests, and in God's estima-
tion higher than the kings of the earth.

5. Five o'clock, Kose at the call of my Lord,
after awaking with a song of praise, and a prayer,
and reviewed, with sweet delight, God's favour
and signal blessing to me and my spiritual socio,
even in comforting our souls together, and giving
us some lucid, joyous intervals in this our solitary
pilgrimage.

9. An humbling sense of my former station,
even in a state of spiritual idolatry, in a specious
moral righteousness, but with an inordinate love of
nature in preference to grace ; and so I saw myself
in the state of th^ prodigal, until God's effectual
call about the tenth hour of the day. I worship
his unmerited goodness.

11. Look back to thy printed exhortations of
renouncing fiuperfluous profits, superfluous studies,
and superfluous acquisitions of knowledge, any

60

further than subservient to thy neighbour's good ;
and look forward to the opening grave, for thou
canst not be far from it

18. Praise the Lord, () my soul! who hath
given thee the dew of heaven in the secret whispers
of his holy spirit, as I trust ; and showers of hea-
venly doctrine, even in the spiritual books, with
which a bountiful Providence hath supplied me
witJiout charge, and even to an inundation, for I
have more than I can read : fruit ia now required
by the Dispenser of all this dew and rain : and
these spiritual books are as much preferable to the
natural aa heaven is to earth.

21. A sweet silent meeting, and holy attraction
to come forward in more activity, even in speak-
ing ; and that here is much work to be done in the
holy discipline: Lord, sustain and invigorate!

23. Sol. O ye monks and religious orders,
even whether of our or your denomination, who
have put on Christ's livery, beware, beware of
hypocrisy ! Much scandal has been given by many
of you, and the name of Christ blasphemed on
your account, when men who have seen you, whilst
professing Christ, to be the real devotees of mana-
mon or Belial ! Thus you give the lie to your pro-
fession, and strengthen intidels, and are stumbling
blocks in the M-ay of Christianity. Wiiat is the
shadow to the substance? Let us all humble our-
selves ; for, surely, it is of God's mercy that we
are not consumed.

31. Beware of the thief, the charms of natural
science! View the iniperfectioua thereof, and at
one glance view, with the glorious prospect-glass
of faith, that country where we shall no longer see
through a glass darkly, where intuition, the ken of
angels, shall take place of the tedious and weari-
some process of ratiociuation I

61

God is withdrawing his gently chastising hand :
adored be hU clemency !

6 mo. 4. A silent meeting, but luminous to me ;
yet hurt by subsequent conversation, as usual,
drawing off the mind from its proper exercise.

5. Opens my monthly- retreat. How shall I
stand before the Judge? I cannot stand at all : for
indeed my righteousness has been as filthy rags :
I will, therefore, fall upon the stone of Israel.

A sweet and grateful sense of my singularly
happy leisure, denied to thousands, even as favour-
able for fruit bearing as the southern aspect !

The point is. What lack I yet ? And the answer
easy, viz. More patience, and more vigilance over
the sin that easily besets, viz. Anger disproportion-
ate to the offence — and more walking with God all
the day long.

18. Four in the morning. Methought the time
of the singing of birds was come : for I waked
with a song of thanks to the Lord, even as my
Kedeemer: but, O, still remember that nothing
that defileth shall enter the holy city ; wherefore,
put away that sin that so easily besets, even wrath,
and all approaches to drunkenness and gluttony :
and, good Lord, give thy grace of filial fear, and
it shall be to me more precious than all earthly
treasure.

Behold the wretched state of the brotherhood ;
some have no spirit for the work, others are in the
briars : O that by how much the more others are
entangled, so much the more I may be disentan-
gled.

O the goodness of God in visiting by his minis-
ters an uuM orthy people ; it is beyond our compre-
hension, as, indeed, the ways of heaven are, in
nature, providence, and grace. May that sajing.

02

" I was found of theui that sought me not," be
verified .

20. To know much is not our lot ; but to adore,
fear, and obey, is our genuine lot, portion, and
business. Amen.

7 mo. I. In the country, more clearness in
prayer. Else, an almost Christless day by reason
of worldly cares.

5. Not yet sweetened enough in the govern-
ment of my family.

8, The advice of the elders (who visited the
monthly-meetings) to the youth, to dedicate their
I'irst Fruits to the Lord, was humbling to me, who
have dedicated my first fruits to myself, in a spe-
cious moral rij^hteousiiess, and during the greatest
part of my life have failed in the first and greatest
command, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God
with all thy heart ;" and even now it is dragging,
up-hill work : surely, I am as a snail in the Chris-
tian race. Is it possible for thee, in such a just
view of thyself, to be proud any more? To the
mercy of God in Christ I fly for pardon and recon-
ciliation, in a new and effectual turn of heart.

]3, A rare rencounter : this day a prayer and
two exhortations immediately after dinner, instead
of wine and useless talk.

19, O thou old man, who art tottering on the
brink of eternity! of what use is a magazine of
either fame or money (two grand idols of the peo-
ple) to thee ? Slacken then thy pursuits after bodi-
ly science, and be no longer a fool.

20. Four in the morning. Rose at the Lord's
drawings, even upon an illapse of light and truth
in these words : " I see eternity at the door, and
the earth and all its contents subjected and des-
tined to conflagration. Why then so dealing on
natural science? Why not more elevated to the

63

glorious views of another and better country ? Yea
my Maker is mine Husband, and so shall be from
this day forward, if he pleases. Amen : for all
these things, and we also, with all that is goodly
and specious among men, pass away as a shadow/*

31. Visited the sick on his death bed in com-
pany, in a spiritual way, where, I doubt, my com-
panion did not administer wholesome counsel, but
rather flattered one who had been an idolater:
God strengthened me to add a little supplement on
that behalf: he also strengthened me to give the
preference of spirituals to temporals in a joint ex-
pedition with a minister and elder.

8 mo. 3. Two pieces of glorious news from the
kingdom of heaven : first, An Indian chief coming
over to the Christian religion, and renouncing war
and brandy. Second, Some soldiers become
preach el's.

5. 30min.past5. O the spirit of gluttony and
drunkenness amidst what a superficial world calls
sobriety : to eat and drink to live is the point :
remember that nothing unclean shall enter the
holy city. Lord, I am as a beast before thee !

17. At a blessed silent meeting; the maxims of
this world are diametrically opposite to those of
Christ : for that says, Riches are the main chance,
and get money first my son ; but Christ says,
** First seek the kingdom of God and his rigteous-
ness:" but the world snvs, Seek it last; which
maxim has had too much place, even in me ! Lord
I repent !

Do not measure thyself by the wrong standard,
the practice of others, v. g. In late-cohiing to meet-
ing, but by God's witness in thy own bosom.

20. At a silent meeting, humbled under a sense
of sin, in being inadvertently taken up with tem-
poralSf which occasioned my being belated there,

for want of forecast and fear ; Lord, increase my
fear of tliee.

9 mo. II. 45 min past 5. A precious illumina-
tion, with a degree of contrition, to the following
purpose : A guard is necessary at the door of thy
iips : the ancient psalmist wanted it, so dost thou,
witli respett to what cornea forth and what goes in.
Lord, grant 1 may manifest my love by my fear of
thee, in eating, drinking, and speaking.

2f). O the toils, travels, sufferings in body and
mind, and invincible constancy of Paul the apostle
in lajfinglhe foundation for the conversion of ua
Ueiithens! But what are we now doing for our
selves ?

2fl. A sweet triumphant hymn of praise to God,
from a minister returned from the work, for that
he had covered his head in the day of battle, and
subjected the uncircumcised.

27. Twelve pennyless patients.

:i(). 4o inin, past 5. A sweet and clear access
to my Lord in this important and deep impression,
" I'ut thy fear in my Iieart, good Lord, even as an
effect of thy love abounding, a fear, not of great
sins only, but of little ones, even the least, O thou
great Majesty of heaven. Searcher of hearts, and
Judge of quick and dead."

J 2. Held our monthly conference, from whence
it appeared, that my brother is got to the top of
the ladder, even so far as to wi^h to be dissolved
and enjoy the beatific vision : God preserve him !
However, I thought we must not build tabernacles
in this mount, but descend and suffer with Christ
our Captain, who was made perfect through suffer-
ing. 1 have suffered a little: Lord, support under
the residue.

14, Sing to the Lord a new song: he hath
blessed my old age in making me a witness to the

85

prevalence of his kingdom in the hearts of a later
generation, both of our fold and others !

17. A notable aera. God hath just now brought
thee through one -laborious natural work: now
beware of any fresh engagement during this short
space between thee and death.

27. I am persuaded, from rational prospects,
that my race, is near a conclusion : awake then to
a holy contempt of the deceits of this life.

I am a criminal to whom the sentence of death,
the debt due from sin, is by an irreversible decree
destined : this sentence is now executed upon my
dear brother in the flesh, and awaits me near : I
have, indeed, some glimmering of hopes of a resur-
rection by the second Adam, even to a state infi-
nitely better than this : O my groveling soul, look
up to Jesus !

29. At the meeting of ministers and elders,
truth and love triumphed : it was a more searching-
luminous, and melting time than usual : thus is
the communion of saints begun, a pledge of our
future happiness, blessed be the Lord ! Lord,
make meet, spare neither hammer, sword, nor fire.

30. Came early to meeting in man's sight ; but
late in God's sight : Lord, grant that the first may
never be my standard.

The text, *' Labour not for the meat that perish-
eth," viz. So little, that it ought not, must not, bear
any proportion to the labour for the spiritual meat
that nourisheth up to eternal life. Here, me-
thought, all we tradesmen, liberal and illiberal, are
defective ; for, surely, the proportion of care for
the mere body has universally had the pre-emi-
nence : Lord, have mercy upon us, and particular-
ly on us physicians, whose object is the body
alone. Greater is the least divine, man or woman,
than the greatest physician^ even than Hippocrates.

11 mo. 1. Temporals were this (lay absorbed by
spirituals, even in the care of souls, in preference
to that of bodies. On the discharge of duty, the
Devil was at iny right-hand, prompting to pride:
Lord, bruise him !

3. This day, in God's eight, ate too much.

17. Judas betrayed his master for thirty pieces
of silver: and even thou, in every case wherein
thou betrayest or baulkest the Iioly testimony for
any worldly advantage, art a kinsuian in spirit to
Judas.

19. The meeting sweet, silent, and hunibiing:
a stage of imperfection, weakness, and war, not of
rest.

21 . Wandering thoughts at meeting.

In the evening, read Paul on the resurrection ;
a glorious piece of news to purified souls !

Now is the bait laid in natural science: Lord,
preserve, or I perish.

A holy dread of the world, flesh, and Devil, and
especially of the first : Lord, give to retain this
dread.

20, We have religion without ceremony ; but
if we lose the power, we are of all formalists the
most contemptible.

27. Five o'clock. Wakened with this sweet
illumination : Why are some of thy associates
better than thoul

Answ. Even in proportion to their faith: for
they see Jesus close and near, I see him afar off:
they are of the risen with Christ, and so seek the
things that are above, where Christ sitteth.

An enlargement of heart in prayer, and a little
Contrition in self contempt.

12 mo. 5. QuKST. Where is the good or real
benefit of thy silence in meetings ?

Aksw. I am a living rebuke to that spirit which

67

ssiith, "Where there are no words, there is no wor-
ship, which, I am strongly jealous, is the language
of not a few, but they believe a lie : Lord, open
their eyes,

20. Now doth God call at the eleventh hour or
later, loudly, even to this purpose: beware, beware,
thou negligent servant, of surfeiting, drunkenness,
and the spirit of it, and the cares of this life, how
specious soever. More abstinence, less study of
nature, more of grace, and adorning the inward
man, lest thou be cast out from God's holy pre-
sence for ever ! I fear, but not enough, because I
do not love God enough.

21. I will sink down into my own littleness ai d
vileness, in remembrance of the long series of my
spiritual idolatry in my groveling tendency to the
study of terrestrial matters, and in comparing my-
self to those burning and shining lights which God
hath sent among us, to my view and observation,
devoted principally to the promotion of Christian-
ity in the power and spirit of it. Lord, let me be
a servant of these, or a door-keeper, or of the
meanest office, so it be in thy house.

Performed a visit to a poor saint and patient,
who in a private (and not preaching, but merely
praying) station hath been instrumental to turn
many to righteousness, in a signal manner.

26. After meeting much talk hurts and hinders
the seed sown, whether by Christ himself, or
his ministers, from taking root, or prospering to
that degree, as if cherished by sacred silence, it
would do.

28. Attended a burial, on principle, where I
trod on the graves of several of my associates.
Surely, the sight of one corpse is a stronger argu-
ment than any words can possibly be ! even of thy
own mortality, and of the necessity of a prepara-
tion for it.

S. S. deceased at a very short warning, not with
tlie indul}j:enfe uranted to me.

17G3.

1 mo. 15. Impends much business: Lord, pre-
serve ! 1 fly a little from the snare.

Pliysic and feasting well nigh absorbed the day,
and so it proved an ahnost unchristian one.

17. An agreeable account of some progress of a
heart-work in the county of Wicklow ; two ring-
leaders of niobsconvicted in their consciences, and
flying from temptation.

2H. A clear vision, at a silent meeting, of my
long neglect of Christ, and that it is mere mercy
that can save me.

29. I am indeed an object of God's singular
long forbearance extended to these my declining
days, having not been cut off in the time of idolatry ■
and ignorance, when mere body was the grand and
prevailing subject of my care, whilst the soul lay
uncultivated, and the superior excellency of the •
knowledge of Christ Jesus lay buried under natu-
ral studies, whose end ie the mere body destined
to destruction, and for ever excluded tiie kingdom
of God. Awake then, O my soul; and fly up-
wards on the wings of faith and love.

2 mo. 7. A groundless surmise broached, which
disturbed me a good deal : but God gave the phi-
losopher's stone, turning it into a blessing.

14. A weighty and pertinent exhortation to a
circumspect conduct in our families : O may this
be the happy ara on width all moroseness may be
exterminated from my borders.

18. A sweet time, first in an internal song of
praise heard by the Eternal only, for enlightening
and enlivening my old age : Secondly, in a sweet
and pertinent ministry, breathing forth a sympho-

69

nic sound, with a spirit of humility and true bro-
therly regard to one another, and to their prede-
cessors.

21. Pointing to Christ, and not to themselves,
remains to be the peculiar beauty and glory of our
ministry.

25. At a silent meeting ; a day of renewal of
love in weaning from this world, and particularly
from the inordinate love of natural science ; and,
after all, to know much is not thy province, but
chiefly to love and adore.

28. 30 min. past 3. Wakened with a bright
irradiation in a view of this. passage : I go to pre-
pare a place for you, that where I am, ye may be
also :" and rose immediately to worship.

3 mo. 4. A blessed silent meeting, with sweet
drawings of the Father's love, and fervent desire
.that he will lift up his spirit as a standard against
the inundation of worldly riches and glory, from
which 1 fly : assist and direct my flight, pood
Lord! ]

20. Sol. Falling into conversation immediate-
ly after meeting hurts, and so do. our new-fashion-
ed committees after meeting : O the many avenues
open to hurt the precious seed that may have been
sown ! Soul, awake : it is a dangerous time.

4 mo. 3. The afternoon silent, but very sweet in
the attraction of the Father's love to objects above
flesh and blood, even the decking the inward man,
and adorning it as a bride for the bridegroom, that
there may be nothing in my will which may in any
degree clash with his ; and let the hastening mid-
night cry stir up to get more oil in the lamp.

15. Blessed be the Lord for the communion of
saints upon earth, in this single instance : one of
those I have the honour of conversing with choosea
dissolution, s^nd to be with Christ.

70

22. At a silent meeting was in the mount in
comnmiiion with God : all natural knowledge shall
be despised as dross and dung, in comparison of
the knowledge of God in Christ. O thou pitiful,
groveling mortal, who art busying thyself with the
epidemic diseases of the body, and most of thy life
hast made them tliy principal, reigning object,
neglecting the spiritual epidemic disease of unbe-
lief in Christ, which has liad a far greater spread
than any bodily disease ever had ! The least child
in grace and faith in Christ is nearer the kingdom
than thou. But I will follow ihee, so help, hord !

In the mean time, the following providences,
even special providences, and divers of them un-
sought for, appeared, as signal favours, tending to
my aw akening, and to the promoting my Christian
progress, viz.,

1. Who guided the hand of that pious lady,
who supplied me and other physicians of the city
with the printed Evidences of the Christian Heli-
gion, in order to our conviction as unbelievers, or
mine at least, as a weak believer?

2. Who guided that hand, that without charges
supplied me with divers illuminating comments on
the Old and New Testament, to the enamouring
my heart with those writings in the just preference
of them to all others ? And,

(t. Who guided that hand, that presented me
with the historical collection of the success of the
gospel, in the revival of vital Christianity among
absolute heathens and Christian heathens?

5 mo. 9. Content, joyous, and cheerful, with a
sweet sense of the love of God in Christ.

] I . The glory is not yet departed from our
Israel, nor the flamina fire from the lips of our
ministers, nor the spirit of love and wisdom from
our elders, in regard to Christian discipline.

71

Behold death and eternity, and a doom just and
impartial are at the door : Lord, be merciful, or I
perish !

What lack I yet ? More heavenly mindedness,
I am sure, and more contempt of natural science,
in comparison of the spiritual.

Still groveling towards the concerns of flesh and
blood, until by a holy violence 1 be lifted up to
those of the spirit. Shall such a one be proud ?

20. A blessed silent meeting, in a vision of the
glory of this gospel-day, in a close view of impend-
ing eternity, and the sweet hope of a happy one,
with a voluntary renunciation of the world, and all
anxiety about medical business : for, indeed, what
am I but one of the few odd ones escaped from the
grave longer than usual ? I therefore retire by de-
grees to the country.

27. Something of a seeming impulse to go down
into the valley, in a holy heavenly exercise of visits
to the children, the weak and foolish, and the poor,
and even gross sinners: remember that the call
formerly was not to many mighty, many rich or
noble, but to the poor : and that the Lord himself
hath pronounced, that it is difficult for the rich to
enter the kingdom, and that it is unsuccessful to
sow amT)ng thorns.

28, A sweet luminous prospect of the heavenly
Canaan : resolved to be still more retired from the
concerns of flesh and blood, so long, so predomi-
nantly pursued, in the paths of an unjustifying
moral, not evangelical, righteousness, and to asso-
ciate more with the heavenly few.

6 mo. 10. Light and joyous after yesterday's
fasting. Worshipped in silence, in humiliation,
under a sense of my great weakness, barrenness,
and brittleness ; but a glimmering of hope appear-
ed by and by, tending to an establishment with an

effectual refutation of the diabolical insinuation,
tbat there is no worship without speaking.

17. ' Sleepy at meeting, with a cloudy atmos-
phere ; but in the 9eq.uel, witnessed that vvhich is
above words, the bearenly power drawing towards
the renovation of the divine image upon my soul,
blessed be (iod !

20. " Look unto Jesus," was the call this morn-
ing, and consider him well, who said, "I search"
the heart."

2R. On the death of a most assiduous modern
saint and minister, who has left monuments of his
holy fire, at which my soul kindled a Httte, to' the
following purpose : " Thou and some others have
ploughed the sea, and traversed the land to gain
souls ; I to collect plants and fossils : the least of
you in God's sight is incomparably greater than I ;
however. Lord give me a place in thy house, if it
be but that of a door-keeper."

7 mo. 5. At meeting I was encouraged by a
lively hope, that God will satisfy my persevering
hunger and thirst after righteousness.

24. In the country to excellent purpose ; it was
a serene morning within and without. Grace pre-
vailed over nature, in respect to a just preference
of spirituals to temporals, blessed be the Lord !

1 was in the ancient valley of humiliation the
week past.

Little public spirit: I can hardly get yoke-fel-
lows in nature, in medicine, nor in grace : Lord,
bring to that better company, that of angels, and
the spirits of just men made perfect.

.■J I. More temperance, and more heavenly
mindedness was the cry of this morning, and God
gave courage to sit before the company in solemn
silence in the afternoon.

73

S mo. 9. Humbled at meeting in a clear sight
of my vileness in the Lord's presence, seeing
clearly, that in me dwell^th no good thing ; and
that whatever good I have or do is by the drawings
of the Father, and this with a violence to my natu-
ral bias, which tends to the earth, and earthly
things : but the Lord is bountiful, thus to reach
forth a hand to lift me up.

11. O the Majesty of Christ, as displayed in
the first chapter of the Revelation ! John was now
quite beyond himself, and his style is altered ac-
cordingly ; yet, behold the humble epithet he gives
himself, viz. ** Your brother and companion in
tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of
Jesus Christ :" and truly this epithet is also appli-
cable to the saints of this day ; they are also com-
panions in tribulation and patience.

12. A silent meeting, and precious ; in which
the word of the Lord to me was. Let thy day's
work keep pace with thy da)' ; let thy light shine
more and more unto the perfect day : for the judge
is at the door.

15. O the blessing of the Holy Scriptures, and
these instructive comments on them : and, O for a
suitable improvement of a favour not enjoyed by
thousands !

18. More love, more meekness, more tempe-
rance in eating and drinking, was the watchword
of this day: O how strait -the gate, how narrow
the way ! Lord, help, or I perish !

The advice to the church of Sardis was, to be
watchful, or awake : we also here are spiritually
asleep : Lord, look on us, and preserve my soul
from the epidemical contagion, lest I perish with
the multitude !

22. At a silent meeting God gave me to see this
AS the hour of my temptation, and I humbly hope

u

ftill preserve, even from the irionliniite pursuit of
natural science.

At tlie men's meeting, tnitii triumphed, blessed
be the Lord I

Much superfluity and extravagance appears in
buying boolis never to be read.

9 mo. 24. Behold tlie sword of God is lifted up
in thee, to slay the inordinate love of nature: this
is the single, grand point in view in the eouibat.

10 mo. 2. A precious silent meeting : thus it is
good with Mary to eit at Jesus'a feet. My state
before my espousals, was precisely that of Martha:
but now God calls, and draws to that of Mary : so
draw good Lord, yet more and more I

IJ. Received the philosopher's stone at meet-
ing to-day, and saw, in the clear vision, all things
to work together for my good, even reproaches,
defamations, cavils, pain, and death itself as a
passport. Such is the glory of the gospel mani-
fested to me in this the eveninu; of my day : bles-
sed be God for his great love to me in Christ.

11 mo. 1. A day of sweet spiritual solemnity,
first at a silent meeting, where these words, "Flesh
nnd blood cannot inherit the kingdom," were
deeply impressed on uiy mind, with an energy, to
the weaning from all, even the lawful things thjit
minister only to flesh and blood, as physic, &c.
So Lord, bless this irradiation ! And I said to the'
l^ord, 1 will strip nie of my ornaments of niorul
nnd imtural qualifications, and sit with Mary at
thy feet, thou long-suffering Lord.

27. 30 min. past 5. The first day of the week :
to study, to drink, and to eat, as in the Lord's
presence, is the grand point: and now mind, after
the example of thy brother, to abstain as much as
possible from all the concerns of flesh and blood
this day ; to shall it be a holy day indeed I And

75

truly, thy own state, and that of the society, call
loiuilv for such abstraction and devotedness, even
at a time when an evil heart of unbelief in Christ
and his glorious gospel is the epidemic spiritual
malady : and who, who lays this enough to heart?
12 mo. 15. SO min. past 2. Hose and worship-
ped. We chemists are but groping in the dark,
sometimes stun)bling on the truth, sometimes
catching her Mith labours and doubts. Shall I
not dwell in the vallev ?

Lord, I am a monument of thy long-suffering ;
I will praise thy unmerited goodness for this sur-
prizing course of health and vigour ; O let it be
sanctified.

1764.

1 mo. 10. Behold the height of thy calling, even
no less than to be ready at a moment's warning to
enter the bridegroom's ch^^mber. Lord, prepare,
and guard against the very spirit of drunkenness,
gluttony, and covetousness ; for I now see, that
though a man may not stagger in the streets, yet
if he drinks merely to gratify sense, he is in the
spirit of drunkenness : and though he be not so far
covetous, as to defraud his neighbour, he at the
same time may, and actually does, rob God, when
he keeps back the offerings due to him, as thou-
sands in the broad way daily do, even the offerings
of confessions of sins, humiliation, and praise.

26. My sister-associates make a sacrifice of
their health to their zeal for truth upon earth ; my
flame is far more languid, but increased a little by
heirs.

Let me never foi^et, particularly the beautiful
display of grace by their means in our visits to the
poor, in excellent exhortations minutely adapted
to the spiritual concerns of such.

7fl

S7. Why do these women so far ootahine
me !

Answ, Because they have renounced the world
more.

This week grace triumphed over nature.
2 mo, '2. Committed my patients to the Lord,
and proceeded in the social spiritual visit, in which
this day the maladies oi' the souls of some were
detected and descrihed, viz. Blindness, lameness,
and one odd way of living, viz. By the ears; or in
other terms, having no support tor their spiritual
life, than what comes by hearing; from others ;
these, though metaphorical, are solid realities, and
deplorable diseases of the soul.

IP. Seven o'clock. O the heaviness of the bo-
dy and excess of sleep ! And moreover, let others
cry up the dignity of human nature ! 1 will pro-
claim the contrary, and say, " In me dwelleth no
good thing :" it is by violence that 1 am drawn
heavenward, and to the hope of a better state.

My devotion was interrupted by a natural spe-
culation, viz. In a discovery of what will precipi-
tate earth out of water : but a superior light con-
verted this suggestion to one of a sublimer nature,
to the following purpose ; what will precipitate
earthly desires out of the heart of man?

Answ. The heavenly light and power sublima-
ting the soul upon the vings of faith and love, and
death at last, will separate from this clog of flesh
and blood. Lord, strengthen my feeble faith, raise
my languid love.

19. Silent, mental prayer is exemplified in the
life of Saint Teresa, as with us ; and I hope several
of us shall meet in the happier regions.
a mo. IS. At meeting— Let us pray to the Lord
of the harvest, that he will send forth more labour-
ers in doctrine and discipline !

77

At the house of we were as live coals,

kindling one another to a holy flame, and truth
shone with splendour, blessed be the Father of
Lights !

17. Quest. How far doth charity influence
thy natural studies ?

Answ. I aim at what is for the good of my
neighbour, rejecting the studies that are for mere
ornament : and if there be any view to fame, Lord
root it out, and give to court thy favour only, who
art the eternal Truth !

24. A temptation to forego my morning prayer
but God preserved in perseverance.
4 mo. 8. Nearer access in prayer before meeting,
and possessed my soul in peace and sweetness,
without rapture, but in a calm sense of God's
goodness and gracious providences, past and pre-
sent.

10. The holy conflict continues, and light and
truth prevail, blessed be the Lord !

11. A song in the night, succeeded by a dis-
agreeable day.

15. 30 min. past 6. Read the scriptures thus
early to edification on this the first day of the
week, according to a late hint, and found the ne-
cessity of thus redeeming my lost time.

Both meetings more lively than of late.

18, Engaged now in a laborious work for the
public benefit ; and I hope in a way not interfering
with my spiritual concerns: my retired present
situation, in an exemption from not only vain and
profane, but even needless conversation, favours
the attempt.

In the mean time God gives the dew of heaven,
and the fatness of the earth, being content with a
little, and this with the highest reason : for, why
should a man with one foot in the grave, covet
much provision ?

78

erday : ■
led for '

2f). I saw my sin of inadvertence yesterday
now tiiiis, even of ignorance, were to be atoned for
under tlie law ; and surely the gospel does not fall
short of tlie purity of the law: to God's terms I
fly, even to the blood whirh was shed for the re-
mission of sins, on faith and repentance ; in other
terms, to the fountain or laver which is set open ;
for I must wash before I sacrifice.

■'5 mo. 1. A month of afflictions, conflicts, and
hnffetings, partly from causes unknown, partly
i'rom the sickly state of the church and backsliders,
and some humiliation for our own temptation.s and
sins ; yet we have pretty frequently bright irradia-
tions of faith and love, and our meeting is sensibly
and manifestly to edification, blessed be the Lord !

A sweet sight of the Jewish sabbaths of weeks,
of years, and of jubilee, as types of this and other
days by me, thus, in the will of God, set apart for
religious retirement, a special favour done me,
whilst multitudes aroiind me are swallowed up in
worldly cares ; whereas I find, that, as rest given
to the earth once in seven years, was a natural and
temporal advantage, these little sabbaths are so
likewise, even that my temporal studies succeed
far better than in a perpetual hurry.

27. O my soul, thou hast spread in the branch,
but must now shoot downwards, and grow in the
root, even in tlie love of God, and its twin-sister,
the fear of him, exerted on the objects of eating,
drinking, and feeding of the brain, and in patience
under impending suff'erings, and in looking up
unto and trusting in God under all discouragements
whatsoever.

mo. 10. God's goodness is admirable and ador-
able, in striving with the careless and rebellious,
as this day, by a woman of low degree raised up:
a well-franght vessel truly, with an amazing ele-

79

gance and propriety of application of scripture,
various and copious, simple, humble, and loving.
My soul shrinks into self-contempt on the compa-
rison : there let me dwell for ever ! if I be a step-
stone in thy house, Lord, it shall be enougii.
30. Opens monthly retreat,

10 mo. 21. 45 min. past 6. Too idle in bed lo
day : O flesh, thou clog !

24. Brittle on divers unexpected calls, through
weakness, and an alloy of sin.

1 1 mo. 8. I was among my betters, whose faith
and love is far greater than mine : these are
blessed incentives : let me be their companion in
this vale of sorrows, and for ever in the better
country.

21. Surely, God was with me in my childhood,
drawing to the love of himself, beyond that of
father or mother, and in the manly state never
wholly forsook me, but bore with my spiritual idol-
atry and moral righteousness ; but now is reviving
the same tender call to the supreme love of himself
as in my youth ; and moreover, to the righteous-
ness which is by faith in Christ Jesus, whom, days
without number (even the God of grace and mercy
in him) I slighted, having been absorbed in him
as the God of nature, but now called forth to the
love of him as the God of grace, and to a prefer-
ence of the knowledge of him as such to all other
knowledge, and to a holy and well-grounded con-
tempt of this life, and m hatever merely concerns
it. So Lord, raise.

30. At meeting a solemn query was put to my
soul, viz. What has thy faith done for thee?

-Answ* 1. It has given a nearer view of eter-
nity, and a sweet hope of acceptance in the
beloved*

2. A more fervent love of spiritual brethren as

such, even a love surtjassing tliat of all external
connections.

3. It has, by a holy violence, lifted me up
aboA'e all the specious concerns of tlesh and blood
even jiliysic and natural science.

4. Upon a conviction of an inordinate attach-
ment to these last ohjects in time past, it has
taught me now to redeem my time in a just prefer-
ence to the divine studies.

12 mo. 2. Kead Doddridge, a laconic, pathetic,
energetic, and heart-searching minister: O what
a pig:my am I before him.

!>. A sweet time in the afternoon in silence : an
holy attraction to diligence in the office of an
elder, and particularly in the admonitions we are
now, by the clmrch's order, engaged in.

I!l. A sweet luminous time at meeting, and
was prompted to more industry in performing the
spiritual visits, with a sweet sense that God loveth
a cheerful giver: also on the comparison of the
care of the immortal to the mortal ; this last, even
physic, dwindled to little in the clear vision : bles-
sed be the Lord !

To observe strictly the precept, ' to eat and to
drink to live,' is an attainment not the most easy,
but one strong instance of the commandment being
exceeding broad, the way narrow ; and that flesh
and blood, which shnll never inherit the kingdom,
must be slain both spiritually and literally.

■29. Did Christ the Lord ofl'er prayers and
supplications, with strongcrying and tears? (Heb.
V.) and hast thou no occasion to otter either I View
thy own heart, and view the state of the church,
and thou wilt find abundant occasion for these :
l^ord, quicken.

30. For giving leisure to correct my defects
and errors in a public way, to proceed in fulfilltOfr

81

my engagements in Natural History ; for vigour of
body and mind in improving the Materia Medica;
and, above all, for plenty of spiritual books, par-
ticularly those on the Old and New Testament,
tending to exalt Christ Jesus ; for all these uncom-
mon favours, blessed be the God of nature and of
grace.

On reading Watts's Conquest over Death, more
tears of joy than for many months past : O, bles-
sed be the Lord for such burning and shining
lights, and for placing them before me ; and for
this triumph of grace over nature.

1765.

1 mo. 8. Saw in the clear vision at meeting, that
God did not design this for a place of rest or solid
satisfaction ; but that the Christian's sabbath is in
heaven only : the vast obscurity and confusion in
medical science strongly confirmed this truth.

12. Caught a little of tlie heavenly fire from
my neighbours, who make a proper preparation
for leisure on the first day of the week, as a type
of the everlasting sabbath.

25. Anger quick on a certain provocation,
which embittered to me the subsequent meeting,
sensible, however, that the sentence, " He that is
filthy, let him be filthy still," is not yet gone
forth.

29. A sweet access in prayer early.
3 mo. I . Possessed my soul in a degree of an
assurance of God's love, in drawing me on to supe-
rior heights of purity, and of my sins being drown^
ed in the ocean of his love.

22. Doddridge's instructions of daily use : even
our very thoughts in solitude should be governed,
being oiten on vain and trifling, instead of profitable
fubjects, as the perfections of God, the love of God

K

t\l

in Christ, the value of time, and the state of our
eoiils, or the last portions of scripture we have
J-ead, or the last sermon we heard.

27. At a silent meeting, was confirmed ill a
clear sight of the tranacendently superior glory of
the gospel-worship to the teinple-worship of the
Jews, being not confined to time nor place.
4 mo. 5. At a sileut meeting were presented to
my view the inexpressible sufferings of our Lord
the agony in the garden, and the desertion on the
cross: surely not for his own sake, but ours : I
adore what 1 cannot comprehend. Add to this,
the glorious privilege of a deliverance from the
bondage of ceremonies, by the hand-writing of
ordinances nailed to the cross. Now, how far do
we participate of the fellowship of these sufferings ?
Truly, very liltle.

1-4, Grace reigned over nature, blessed be the
Lord I

20. At A silent meeting, received as oracular,
or the voice of God to me, " Thou must study na-
ture less, and grace more."

■22. I do not yet live up fully to my profession !
Lord, purge from this hypocrisy I

23. The watchword now seems to be this: "Be
without carefulness as to the world, and do less in
nature, and trim thy lamp, and get ready."

O for more of the filial fear of God in my bodily
l-efreshmcnts!

2W. N.B. Revive the practice of «alking eoli*
tarily after a meeting, even a silent one, in order
to let the good impressions received sink deep.

5 mo. 12. At a silent meeting, a retreat from
the world was sounded in the name of the Lord
JesuSi

1.3. My patience \vas overcome by the muUl'
tude of patients. O my weakness and sin 1

83

20. First day of the week. At five In the
morning : thus rose, in ofder to redeem, in some
measure, that great treasure of time, which hath
hitherto been enormously devoted to the mere con-r
cerns of flesh and blood, under the specious mask
of moral righteousness : but now the gospel-trum-
pet sounds, and bids hasten to get arrayed with
the evangelical, even that righteousness which is
by faith in Christ Jesus, the searcher of hearts,
and judge of quick and dead*

Behold, a gracious Providence invites thee to a
holy ardour in redeeming thy time, in reading
those precious books sent to thee for elucidating
the holy scriptures, and applying the wholesome
soul-saving truths therein contained,

O the adorable goodness of God to me an idol-
ater, who now sees his specious moral righteous-
ness to have been no better than a splendid sin !

Verily, this was the Lord's day, and I was glad
in it«

6 mo. 11. A view of God*8 infinitely superior
majesty and wisdom, in whose hands our life and
breath are, with whom are fixed the bounds of our
habitation, and whose eye surveys all ages from
the beginning of the world to the end of it. O
what am I in his presence !

25. O the dignity and the breadth of thy law,
O Lord { I am a hypocrite in thy presence, being
still short of a complete conformity to the solemn
profession I have made both in word and writing.
To thy mercy I fly for pardon, and to thy spirit
for washing : O this world ! O this heart of mine I
Give more of thy love, and then I am sure of more
of thy fear.

7 mo. 3. God crowned this day with a joyouf
profusion of tears in a sense of his goodne^^^

84

!). Seven patients, paupers, in Canaan's,
rious, in the world's language, pitiful.

Head an account of a new corporeal disease,
called the Croup ; but my view was directed thence
to the view of a new spiritual disease, and of a bad
prognostic, viz. Play-haunting.
8 mo. 8. Thou art not a whit better than a par-
doned criminal, in the sight of God; wherefore,
see that thou extend pity to brethren in iniquity.

13. A sweet retreat from the world, with some-
thing of a song of pndse, ResoUed to proceed on
the occasional spiritual visit, maugre all opposition
of men, the world, and Devils : good Lord, help !

15. Saw my spiritual barrenness and poverty
in the clear vision, and said, O Lord, keep me in
this valley of humiliation.

23. A vicious feast, wherein I exceerled in meat
and drink, for want of circumspeclion and pru-
dence, a sin against God, the framer of the consti-
tution, and not less than defiling his temple: O
(iod, in the name of thy beloved, pardon this sin,
and prevent for the future, I beseech thee : give
more of thy fear !

3 mo. J7. Upheld in weakness our Christian
testimony against pleasures and pastimes, in the
discipline-roeeting-

10 mo. 8- Yesternight, at my retirement, was
drawn on to about half an hour's extraordinary
soliloquy, and communion with my Mul.er.

10. iSlessed be the God of my life, who has
brought me to be a witness of this day's exercise,
even the second Eeneral visit and spiritual inquest
now made, in which God searched our "Jerusalem
as with candles ;" and that text, " He that cover-
eth his sins shall not prosper," was applicable.

■25. God hath favoured me in temporals, with
innumerable gracious providences all my life long^

85

as ia now crowning my old age, by giving me
sweet communion with the excellent of the earth,
and in leisure to digest the labours of my youth
(the review of which is pleasant) and may he ren-
der them serviceable after my death ! This labour,
however, is as much inferior to that of the least
faithful minister of the gospel, as the body is to
the soul: but, let not the shoemaker go beyond
his last ; yet neglect not to offer this sacrifice of
praise to a most gracious God, who hath drowned
my sins in the ocean of his love in Christ Jesus :
adored be his unmerited goodness.
.11 mo. 1. Gave up this day to God and my
soul's concerns, with trust in God, that he can
make up the time, and bring me to the end of my
medical labour, if he (whose will is the best) see
meet.

29. Proceeded in the new oflSce, as volunteer,
of reading and slightly commenting on the scrip-
tures with the young scholars : God gave wisdom ;
to him be the glory : so as I descend to their capa-
cities, no matter how mean I appear.

At a silent, but luminous meeting, the language
of the serpent, " Ye shall be as Gods," with re-
spect to the inordinate pursuit of natural science,
was descried and falsified, even in the course of a
gracious Providence extended in a peculiar man-
ner to me.

12 mo. 3. A wakefulness attending, rose at
three in the morning, and exercised something of
a holy vigil. Early rising ever gives me comfort.

1766.

1 mo. 4. Dr. Madden (aged eighty) is deceased :
to his ghost I say, which is best for thee now, to
have devoted ^300 per annum, for the benefit of
the poor, or to have reserved it for the aggrandise-

60

merit ofthy family? Mysnul,be witli thine! I hiive,
blessed be God, i'ollowed thee in a low station : but
am now called to yet sublimer objects : I have
lately sacriliced the best of my time to Jerusalem's
cause, and committed my medical affairs, during
that sacrifice, to the Lord.

12. To the flesh, the mere body, thou haat
sown abundantly.

2 mo. 23. The morning meeting was luminous ;
in the afternoon, the fire upon the altar was almost
out.

Saw clearly, that I have no gift in the ministry,
which two sisters have : So, Lord, magnify thy
power and grace by weak things ? O my barren-
ness as overseer : resolved to be a little more vigi-
lant.

27. Six paupers : brave times in bearing the
cross.

3 mo. 15. A tender query : doth thy evening
refreshment interrupt thy communion with thy
Maker? Some doubt about it.

27. God led to the exercise of a holy policy,
in sending to a brother of low degree, a spiritual
registry in lieu of a natural one, with a view to
awaken him to a consideration of objects higher
than those of natnre.

4 mo. 27. God was with me in my feasting, re-
straining the bestial appetite.

Was enlarged a tittle in the evening prayer.

5 mo. 24. 1 love our artless preaching and pray-
ing, as effusions of the heart, remembering the an-
cient precept of erecting an altar to the Lord, that
it was to be done with rough stone, and man was
not to lift up hia tool upon it, lest he should defile
it.

6 mo. 6. At a silent meeting : some texts open-
ed, inciting to an enlargement of heart in the

87

precepts of praying for one another, with an hum'-
bling sense of past omissions on this account*
Soul, travel on, and doubt not but the Lord is with
thee.

15. A temptation to expatiate on natural stu-
dies, but grace restrained, with this illumination :
we shall never know here but in part, and the re*
gions of superior light and glory are near*

23. A secret whisper, that 1 should do less in
nature.

27. A sweet and near access to the Lord in
prayer, and an humble hope, that we are not yet
arrived to that pitch of depravity which old Israel
was, when, there being *• no king in Israel, every
man did that which was right in his own eyes :"
but even then did God raise up deliverers; so
raise up, good Lord, in this holy struggle with de-
linquents.

7 mo. 26. A lively, clear, and infallible sense,
that *' in me dwelleth not any good thing," but
only transient visits ; and that it is truly a foreign
power that gives activity to run the holy race : so
Lord J send forth thy light and thy truth I

8 mo. 1, Opened my monthly retreat.
My sixty-eighth year is now passing over.

O my stupid heart, which is so little, so languid-
ly touched at this most awful period, the midnight
cry at the door. Lord, awaken !

Why dost thoii dote on any thing here, though
of the most goodly and specious appearance, even
moral righteousness, as far as respects the mere
concerns of flesh and blood, devoted to destruction,
the nieat of worms, and the sole object of physic.

Surely I am now called to the pursuit of higher
objects, the promotion of the kingdom of Christ
upon earth, in a joint labour with faithful elders

and ininistei's, and to a preparation for a happy
tranelation.

Look with an eye of faith on that saying of
Christ ill his prayer: "Father, I will that those
thou hast given me be with me wlicre 1 am, that
they may behold my glory which thou hast given
me ; for tiiou lovest me before the foundation of
the world."

1 u the days of ignorance and unbelief preceding
my conversion, I saw the world (not as it really
was, but) as it was not, having viewed it through a
false magnifier : but 1 now begin to behold it as it
really is, even no object of love, being truly a place
of banisliment or exclusion from paradise, a state
of imperfections, trials, temptations, dangers, and
sins, as well as of diseases and death, even death
natural, and death eternal, unless the Saviour in-
terpose.

i>oubt concerning my evening's refreshment,
lest it should cloud the evening devotion.

5. Snappish on unseasonable calls, and in a
time of weakness and indisposition : but this is not
a sufficient apology : Lord, be my strength in my
weakness !

y. Spent my matin in collecting and recording
some short instructive spiritual sayings : these I
call flowers, and deem them the especial gift of
heaven.

A prayer on my present state: Lord, I adore
thy late diastising hand, by which thou hast
gently smitten those organs which have been too
earnestly devoted to nature, in nn idolatrous pre-
ference thereof to grace ! O, let this rod he a means
of weaning from that inordinate love, and of estab-
lishing in moderation in all the concerns of flesh
and blood, and of quickening me to a stronger
faith in C hrist, and higher degrees of purity and
love !

8d

Look down upon the desolation of our Sion, and
bring me forward in more activity as overseer and
catechist, and favour me with ability of body and
mind to discharge these offices, and to let men see
the necessity of diggers and pruners in thy vine-
yard.

I bless thee for the most happy leisure thou hast
afforded me, and forthy consecration thereof; and
for the dew of heaven with which thou hast abun-
dantly favoured me, particularly in the histories of
the lives of some Christians, blessed incentives to
a holy progression and preparation for the heaven-
ly company above.

Preserve from conceitedness and rashness in my
natural studies !

Give me to view death and judgment, and to
live every day as the last, since the awful hour
approacheth with rapid strides ; and to drink and
eat in thy holy fear and presence !

Divest me of the murmuring spirit on every dis-

{>ensation of thy Providence, the old sin of my
ife : and teach me that excellent lesson of being
content in all states, and grant an entire union of
my will to thine !

Give me to see this life no longer as it is not, but
as it really is, even a state of banishment from
paradise, a state of ignorance, temptations, dangers,
sips and sorrows, and to aspire after a meetness
for a translation to another and better state.

17. A visit to a lapsed brother. A sweet call
to keep the temple clean, previous to my evening
sacrifice.

26. Emerged from six weeks confinement by
$ore eyes, blessed be the Lord !

Sol. See : thou art now writing a history of dis-
eases ; but let this be viewed in a gospel light,
and it is no more than an history of the miseriei^

so

entailed upon Adam's cliildren at bis expulsion
from paradipe to an earth " cursed for his sake,"
in God's own language, in tlie third of Genesis,
which miseries there is no way of so effectually
alleviating, as that of the glorious opening of the
gospel hope.

9 mo. 1. Opens my monthly retreat: what is
yet wanting?

Answ. I. More fasting, less feasting. 2. More
moderation in natural studies, in order that I may
go down to my grave, loosened from the world. 3.
More meekness on cross calls. 4. More sensibi-
lity of the approach of death and judgment.

1 1. From nature let us ascend to grace : I have
traced the epidemic diseases in Dublin, liitherto
the chief objects of my care ; let us now take a
view of the spiritual maladies : these are, an evil
heart of unbelief in respect to God, and particu-
larly his Son Christ Jesus ; stupidity, and an in-
ordinate attachment to the mere concerns of flesh
and blood, in other terms, a worldly spirit, which
hath been justly charged upon us by our late
presbytery in their visit, which charge hath not
yet been wiped off: and verily, even I, who seem
to herd among the faithful remnant, have evident
occasion to cry out, O my leanness and barren-
ness !

2.3. A sweet silent meeting in an heavenly at-
traction to further purity and love. " Flesh and
blood cannot inherit the kingdom," was the watch-
word.

10 mo. 7. At a silent meeting the holy hunger
subsisted. Saw in the clear vision, that the great-
er part in these degetierate days do not prize, but
despise their privileges in two important points. 1.
The worship of God in silence. 2. Tlic wholesome
discipline, and the spirit of it.

91

13. Lord, how can I do less in nature ? T ne-
glect novelties, and am chiefly employed in digest-
ing old matters.

A NSW. The afl^ection to nature must be yet
more mortified, and the earth must be turned up-
side down, viz. The earth and its concerns beneath,
whilst Heaven and the graces of the Holy Spirit
must be uppermost.

28. A sweet prayer from one of the other sex,
highly pertinent to our present state, to the follow-
ing effect : " Lord, command silence, that Thou,
the invisible Teacher, may'st be heard, honoured,
and obeyed ; and awaken the carnal professors!"

31. Held our monthly conference : my brother
far transcends me in spiritual industry, who am
immersed in nature, and poor in grace ; he has also
far more consolation than I, and thinks he has an
antepast of heaven, and longs for it : I grovel in
nature, and am a Christian of the lowest class.

11 mo. 11. Herein shineth our ministry with
peculiar lustre, even in preaching and recommend-
ing Christ within, and not themselves, and in
steadily publishing and maintaining the way of
the cross as the only road to the crown.

12 mo, 16. Did we elders apply the truths
preached in public to individuals, what blessed
help-meets should we be to the ministry ! But, O
how little of such a work appears.

1767.

2 mo. 8. An humbling time at a silent meeting,
in the clear vision, thus : 1. From my brittleness
on certain little cross events, it is clear I am not
enough imbued with the love of my neighbour, viz.
That I do not love him so well as myself. Lamb
of God, take away my sin ! 2. O my weakness
and barrenness. About twelve hours, viz. Above

S3

1

hnrfiny time is spent in sleep, and in eating and
drinking.

rinished Gill's Comtnent on the Old Testament.
Blessed be God for this precious loan, a gracious
Providence to me truly.

15, Was strongly ronfirmed in the expediency
of my reading with and catechising the children,
as far better auditors than most adults ; and at the
same time instructive to myself, who though an old
man, am but a child in the mysteries of grace.

27. Weaning from the world is the work now
impending ; and as in nature the weaning time is
painful, 60 in grace.

Blessed be the Lord for my littleness : grandeur,
avaunt 1 Thou art tlie destruction of soul and
body.

3 mo. 6. A sweet attraction yesterday from the
earth, and all its concerns, which was renewed in
my silent attendance at wisdom's gate, at our
meeting to day, with an apposite illumination in
these words: "We have no continuing city here;"
no sabbath, but a succession of endless vicissitudes.
Resolved to love the world no more. So help.
Lord ! The meetiug concluded with a sweet
prayer.

An attempt of a spiritual visit to an old scoffer,
with a slight, but not total repulse.

10. Irreproachable by men, bat accountable to
God, in late coming to meeting.

17. O the importance of a faithful presbytery I
But, Lord, they are asleep, O Lord, who didst
raise the dead for thy own glory's sake, awaken
some of these, and inspire for thy service!

21. () the vast extent of that precept; "Thou
shait love thy neighbour as thyself! Verily, I yet
fall short of it: God of all grace and love, supply
my defects !

93

24. This Lent took a hint from the Papists,
and devoted an hour to fasting, recollection, and
prayer, on account of the present mournful state .
of our Sion.

27. My watch-word was : " May my fruitful-
ness bear some proportion to all the dew and rain,
through the unmerited bounty of God bestowed 1"

4 mo. 10. Lord, turn the heart of my brother,
who is forsaking me in the day of battle : frustrate
the devices of the power of darkness to divide and
weaken us ! and grant we may still continue to be
a help to each other.

5 mo. 1. Opened monthly retreat and confer-
ence. More meekness and more heavenly mind-
edness is yet wanting.

10. My love of the brethren increases, blessed
be the Lord, being firmly persuaded that here is a
faithfiil few.

1 1 . The botanic walk was revived on principle,
though an utter indolence prevails among those
whom it most concerns.

30. Humbled down to the earth on reading
that observation of a spiritual author : * Few, very
few, keep the two capital commandments of God
perfectly, viz. To love God with all the heart, and
one's neighbour as himself.'

31. Our distinguishing badge is the renuncia-
tion of superfluities of all kinds, with respect to
either profit or pleasure : and at a silent meeting
a sweet illumination of the glory, beauty, and plea-
sure of the liberty we profess to aspire unto, even
to be freed from all inordinate attachment to the
pleasures, profits, and the vain honours of tiiis
world ; a liberty of promoting truth upon earth, by
being freed from incumbrances.

6 mo. 14. More fasting is wanted for the

94

health of body and soul, and for the sms of our
people.

Both meetings silent, but luminous, washing,
preparing for judgment, and improving in the
Christian graces internally enforced.

22. A wonderful history of the triumphant
death of a sister, though not of our fold, who man-
ifested by faith a conspicuous foretaste of heaven.
7 mo. 2. Humbled under a sense of some
hypocrisy, in having been more in words than in
life.

16. A quiet, solitary walk to a village, in a
sweet and grateful commemoration of the day of
my espousals to my Lord there, being about thir-
teen years ago : and took a summary view of my
laborious life, and hoped that the last days were
the best.

22. An eminent saint declared, in my hearing,
whilst we were opening the state of souls to each
other, that he had been no less than thirty years
fighting with unrighteous anger in his own bosom.

2.3. Well : the clouds, the outward ministry,
are in a great measure withdrawn ; and now im-
pends the trial of the spirits of many, for determi-
ning who adheres to the King invisible, Christ
Jesus, the perpetual president of the assemblies of
the saints, and who not.

mo. 13. I bow and worship thy wonderful
goodness to me. Lord, even in thy countless Provi-
dences to me all my life long, in pitying tlie weak-
nesses and sins of my youth and manhood, and in
now sweetening my old age, giving vigour of body
and mind, with the happy opportunity of a proper
review and disposal of the labours of my youth ;
but, above all, with faith in Christ Jesus, in all his
manifestations and offices, and with the precious
books I have been plentifully supplied with for

9S

my spiritual improvement. Who so favoured ?
May 1 walk more worthily !

A silent meeting, and not unprofitable. No
minister but Christ Jesus, now despised, as in the
days of his flesh.

21. God strengthened me to make some steps
in the narrow way, under considerable discourage-
ments«

A dreadful glimpse of the curse impending on
the barren ground that has been often watered.

26. My small fund of patience was exhausted
in a group of paupers, frustrating my intended re-
tirement to the country. I listened to them, how-
ever, though with reluctance. Ten patients, and
not a penny.

9 mo. 20. It is plain that worldly embarassments
are the real drawback to many from coming up in
an holy activity : so then the interior watch-word
of the day was, " Love not the world."

10 mo. 18. At a silent meeting: blessed the
Lord that the holy struggle within is maintained,
and for the hope that heaven is beginning to gain
the ascendant over earth.

A pressure towards the humility and meekness
of Christ our pattern, and the heavenly wisdom,
which is pure, peacable, gentle, and easy to be
entreated, full of mercy and good fruits.

24. Lord, what will be the fate of those who
tnrn their backs on thy declaration, that " where
two or three are gathered in thy name, thou art in
the midst of them ?"

A NSW. There will be great desertions ; a spirit
of unbelief; sleep and sloth are gone forth, by an
intoxication worse than wine, even by the spirit of
this world : and the trial of the faith and patience
of a few is at hand : Lord, preserve, lest these

90

should also be swallowed up in the common tor-
rent of corruption.

24. A fast. Sweet content reigus.

A delightful old age, in reviewing and digesting
the labours of my youth, embittered, however, by
the state of the cliurch.

1 1 mo. 9. A generation is sprung up, who calls
the animated Christian an enthusiast, or one in-
fested with a degree of madness : now, let us con-
sider whether these, or their censors, be the mad-
men.

22. Saw the expediency of daily refreshing
my memory concerning the love of God in Christ
Jesus.

28. Proceeded on a long meditated ecclesiasti-
cal journey, with two sisters engaged in the same
service ; and moreover, two pilgrim brethren, who
tmawed by the badness of the roads, and any re-
gard to their healths, travelled on foot. Verily,
these had more merit than we charioteers.

12 mo. 3. Shall I not embrace death, and every
sorrow and trouble occurring, even as God's rights
eous decree, my just doom and punishment for
former and latter sins? Lord, help, and silence
the voice of murmur in my habitation for ever ! O
send forth thy light and thy truth, yet more and
more, even unto the perfect day !

From the perplexities of natural science, and
from the love of human applause, good Lord, deli-
ver, and let my sole aim be to please thee, and to
be recorded in thy book : all else is uncertain and
fluctuating as the waters : give me to know my-
self; let not my sins nor errors be concealed from
me : wash from foot to head. Breathe holiness on
uiy natural studies! May they be directed to thy
glory, and the good of my neighbour solely, with-
out the alloy of human respects or views.

»7

Deliver entirely from the madness of the inordi-
nate love of the world in old age ! On the contrary
let this state prove fruitful in heavenly mindedness,
in faith and love, and in every Christian grace, and
be attended with a holy and righteous contempt of
every thing that relates to this mortal state, com<e
pared to the regard due to the immortal.

11. A blessed silent meeting, with the following
sweet illuminations for my own use : this world is
a paradise to none but fools. Dust is our origin
and our end : and thorns and thistles our portion
and destiny here.

I have been too worldly and barren in spiritual*
this week past, though I see eternity at my door.

Moreover, 1 saw the narrow way in the clear
vision, and that our present state is no new thing,
but that now, as formerly, it is hard for a rich
man to be saved, and that the poor also now are
chosen, not many of the rich and mighty.

23. I will yet dwell in the valley evermore : so
help. Lord I because, days without number I have
been secretly carried away by the prevailing tor-
rent of the infidelity of modern times.

29. In the night, some bright coruscations,
with an unusual joy and alacrity, particularly from
that text, 1 John v. *' He that is begotten of God
keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth
him not ;" and Rom. xvi. 20, •*The God of peace
shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. '*

A suggestion of spiritual pride succeeded, but in
the light it was seen and dispelled.

^1768.

1 mo. 28. Sweet content and thankfulness with
regard to my modicum of this world*ft goods^ even
beyond many thousands : but, O for tM li^avtnly

98

ireasure, the gifts of the spirit, and particuhiily
that of love, the sum total of law and gospel.

2 mo. 25. A silent meeting, yet profitable : Ciirist
Jesus alone the minister.

3 mo. 3. Held our monthly conference : my
brother's vastly superior spiritual industry hum-
hies me : however, my engagements in nature for
the good of the bodies of men cannot he dispensed
with, and so I must be content to move in a lower
sphere.

It was a good day also in temporals, at our phi-
losopliico -medical society, several useful commu-
nications being made for the good of mankind, and
this unexpectedly, even after a little desertion
threatened, as in some of our church-iricetings.

15. O my soul, iny yet hypocritical Soul ! How
canst thou look back without compunction upon
thy religious publications, in which thou hast been
' more in words than in life?' For, in the Lord's
presence (barring the voice of tiie accuser) I do
not every day come up to the standard I have re-
commended : I bow therefore before him, and im-
plore his mercy and help on this account, even
unto me a sinner. Where is pride now ? To the
Devi! let it go.

27. A faithful ministry is still preserved, vrho
■preach not themselves, btit the Lord Jesus, and no'
daubers, but such who shew unto Jacob his srof*.
O may we Levites second their concern,

4 mo. 4. I scarce ever saw myself so weak as
this day: a certain quickness to anger appe^Ts,
instead of a slowness thereto, which should obtain
jn God's children, since they ought to be like him.
Henceforward, good Lord, strengthen and sweeten
for thou canst do it.

13. Anecdote. A. B. during a series of years,

09

travelled ten miles to meeting ^very meeting-day,
and moreover, was one of the earliest comers.
2'2, Ten patients, and not a penny,

5 nio. B. Received a pamphlet from Americat
condemning the slave trade, written by a sheep
not of our fold.

11, Opens the day of my espousals : went to
the memorable place where I made my vow, sen-
3ib]e of thie abundant blessings with which I have
been even loaded, and likewise of my hasty disso*
lution, and of the necessity of a preparation for it.

16. Our medical society is of use to me, who
Otherwise would be an alien to divers modern
improvements. Lord, preserve, and keep heaven
and grace uppermost with me, and earth and na*
ture under.

18. Two grand important points of doctrine
seem to be almost sunk in oblivion : the first is,
that Christ's blood was shed for the remission of
sins, as he himself testifies, and that, in a view of
faith, it is to be daily fled to for every omission and
commission.

The second is. the hell-fire denounced not only
to the Devil and his angels, but to wicked men.
See the positive declaration of Christ, Matt. xxiv.
41, 46.

6 mo. 6. Verily the Lord hath brought me into
the narrow way, where there is but little company :
Lord, keep me there, and enable me to tread
straight steps therein, remembering the end thereof
even life everlasting.

10. I will bring my peace-oflfering, even of
thanksgiving, to my Lord, in that for some time
past I feel some real accession of courage and spi-
ritual strength, particularly in some public exhibi-
tions, and being freer from the usual attacks of
.spiritual pride on such occasions than formerly,

having prayed for humility, which Clod was
pleased, in some good degree, to give, to him be
the praise! And, indeed, when I look back on my
weak and infant state, abundant cause of humilia-
tion appears,

16. A botanic journey on principle, with a feast,
but this last had something of a sting in the tail ;
the conversation not angelic, but mixed. Such an
ev^nt attending the mo&t laudable human pursuits
draws me from the world.

2a. No minister at meeting, but Christ the
Lord.

A clear sight of the exceeding sinfulness of offer-
ing to the Lord the mere refuse of our time, the
case of great part of the people among whom I
dwell. Surely this is not my rest.

7 mo. 3. An inward voice of thanksgiving to
God for the gift of his Son, the Lord Christ, to us
Gentiles, the mystery hid from ages, adorable, in-
comprehensible, unutterable, and unmerited : and
if the sweet singer of Israel had occasion to say,
"Awake, sackbut, psaltery, and harp, and praise
the Lord ;" so hud I, so had we, and so had every
one, whose eyes the God of this world had not
blinded.

7. Soul, awake! the everlasting antitypal sab-
bath, I trust, is at band, the end of all labours,
sufferings, and sins. See and prepare for it, by
letting the earth now enjoy its sabbaths, even in a
gradual relaxation and holy carelessness in all the
specious concerns of flesh and blood.

ft mo. 3. Even the very memento mori is so far
insufficient to proper effect, that I feel by monthly
observation and experience, that it requires a
superior renewed light and assistance to' put it in
practice, togetlier with the practical consequence,
even a comparative contempt of this life, joined to
an aspirafion, hope, and desire of a better.

101

24. Bless the Lord, O my soul, that even in
these days of declension, a faithful ministry is still
preserved, exhibiting wholesome truths apposite to
our state : O may we of the presbytery co-operate
with them, and second their labours.

26. Too late at meeting, although many others
were much later : but I will not measure myself by
their standard, nor by any other than the King^
standard ; according to M'hich I am deficient :
Lord, strengthen to come up to it.

9 mo. 2. I would gladly hope that Jerusalem is
maintaining the holy preference above temporals.

I feel my weakness as much as ever, and, stript
of self-sufficiency, cry out. Lord, help !

8, Too brittle on a "group of paupers. Double
the guard, join watching to prayer.

17. More contempt of the world is still want-
ing.

Nearer access to my Lord, in begging an in-
crease of my love to him, and to my Tieighbour.

10 mo. 16. At a silent meeting, reviewed my
natural labours thus ; I cannot say that they were
quite free from the love of man's honour, though
always directed to usefulness to my neighbour:
but moreover, the sin of idolatry was blended with
them, even in preferring these naturals and tempo-
rals to the spirituals and eternals, notwithstandmg
God hath favoured me with divers living examples
of souls, who steered a course the reverse of this,
viz. Putting heaven above earth, even from their
minority. Surely I must dwell in the valley of
self-contempt

A song of thanksgiving to a gracious Providence
which hath limited, and is limiting, my pursuits in
nature : so limit, good Lord, and bring to my re-
membrance this twelfth hour of my day.

11 mo. 29. Lord, purge from hypocrisy, was

the cry of this (lay : for, upon a retroapection, I
have actually l)een more in worila tliaii in life.

12 mo. 13. A sweet view of the beauty of mode-
ration, even in the quiet of mind attending, and
the better success even of our temporals ; but,
above all, its loosening from the inordinate attach-
ment to this world.

30, A blessed silent meeting ; wherein it was
clear, that still further advances in the holy race,
and a further supply of the Christian graces, are
wantinij, and so to God the giver I fly, imploring
it from his inexliaustible treasury.

1700.
1 mo. 3. Late at meeting in God's estimate,
though not in man's.

31. At a silent meeting — Deplored my barren-
ness and spiritual idolatry for a series of years :
adored my long-suffering God, who hath spared
me, and given space to repent in this my old age.
and grace to sacrifice some of the best of my time
to him in self-denial, I am a bankrupt in his pre-
sence! I am not able to pay my debt: accept, O
God, my little sacrifice, the dove and the pigeon,
in the name of thy beloved Son !

4 mo. 7. What hath thy Saviour saved thee
from ? Among other sins, from anger without cause,
and from the inordinate pursuit of natural science.
Yea, 1 hope, in some degree, from these,

14. A sweet contemplation of Christ in the
evening, which thus passed away insensibly.

!'i mo. 2. One heavenly minded man appeared
to my observation : he hath renounced superfluity
in trade for the love of truth upon earth.

10. Took a solemn walk to the place of my
spiritual espousals, now about fifteen years ago: a
long period truly of God's abundant bounty to me

¥08
ib a wiiitB ^ df »¥<»te| tilling ibr great thankAilD€60

SO. A liMte iSttpBfed atid impatient on a small
cross event, and sinfully so : m hither shall 1 fly»
but to thte grefiit advio^^ate ?

^fl ttd:*9. A«eM<e« wliisper yesterday, tendingfo
(NreetM atid iiMbble, Mt^ Siak-^down into a deep,
Ih^y^; Ifratefiai S6iM6'^ <Sod*a unutterable, and al-
most iiH^tiilleted wvd tinuierited bounty to thee
frttothe-beginAlflg cil^thy life tothis moment, even
in wany most "gracittus Prcyvideiices favouring a
progress heaVenivmrds : let tfats voice of murmur be
yio longer heard ia thy habitation ; thou who liast
#Meiv^ so much good, how daiestthou to murmur
at tomaill evils <?

26. A bright tUuDfiinatioa oa the second great
law, ••Tliou' «dttklt love *y neighbour as thyself."
!N#w, Lord, 'einpiv *me of lill inordinate self-love,
%e^aiise then, atid «iotaii«ili|litin, I shall fulfil this
^>r&cept, this 'golden tpte^ept with which my soul in
taVished^

Liii^k at)oiittbee:. w nature, love abounds, not
only among mankind, but even in the brute crea*
)|it}n, manifested 'particular^ in a tender care of
f faeJr yming ; but tliis ie no more than the work of
God in nature, for thecomservation of their species,
but grace rises infinitely higher, even in love to
souls ; -and an evident display hereof appears in
faithful ministers publicly exposed to thy view,
through the bounty of <3od, and blessed incentives
to higher degrees of purity and love in me : and
surely nothing hinders my advancement in this
state, but an inordinate self-love : Lord, then, root
this out, that thfe heavenly plant may take root,
apring up, blossom, and bring forth fruit in due
season.

28. From riches, worldlv honours, and the

104

snaves tiiereof, aiitl of tlie enchanting smtles of an
ungodly world, good Lord, deliver, and give to seek
the spiritual riches, and the honour which cometh
from thee alone !

7 mo. 4. At a siieut meeting, thankful for the
greater largess of heaven, in now giving opportu-
nity of reducing speculation to practice, even lu
the prosecution of the religious visit to families.
Surely, Jerusalem is in some degree preferred.

'23. At a silent meeting, a sweet genge of the
glory of the goapel-day, and of our situation in
thus sitting with Mary at Jesiis's feet.

Conscious that the Lord hath limited me in some
degree in speaking, eating, and drinking; and yet
1 saw there was room lo say. Lord, increase my
little store of meekness and temperance !

'^8, Proclaimed a fast this day until three in
the afternoon, in order to seek the Lord, on account
of the desolations both in church and state : and
the 17th of Uaiah fell to my lot, exhibiting an an-
alogy between those and the present times : and
O msiy I be found among the two or three berries
left, upon the shaking of the olive tree.

The source of our outward riches is beginning
to be drained, even that from America : but have
we not abused prosperity ? and is it not fit that we
should be chastised ?

As to uie, I bless God for my littleness, and even
my nearness to the grave, ministers some sort of
consoliition, in the prospect of a removal from the
evils 10 come.

A Pbaver.

O Lord, we are vile in thy presence, and utterly
miivorthy of the favours with \vhich thou hast load-
ed us.

We art- poor, and some of the best of ui not yet

105

arrived to the spirit of our ancestors, though pant-
^ ing after it.

We h^ve abused prosperity, waxed fat and kick-
ed, as Jeshurun.

An evil heart of unbelief, the source of all cala«-
mities, hath entered.

Lukewarmness hath overspread us like a leproiqr,
and carelessness in religious duties as a deep
sleep.

Thou hast removed many of the clouds, eveo
most of them, from us, and we have not turned to
thee, who fillest the clouds.

^uch as should be our fathers and instructors
are themselves children.

Not a few to whom thou hast given one talent
are burying it in the earth.

They are blind, and see not the beauty of the
truth, but are dazzled by the glory and friendship
of spiritual Egypt.

They despise the covenant of their fathers.

Lord, look down upon us, and help us ; and, if
it be thy holy will, convert them, or visit the
young and the poor for thy own name and glory's
sake.

Increase the number of labourers !
8 mo, 1 . Provoked by my servant, but a sweet
power diverted the storm to a song of praise.

3. Lord,, help us in the visit impending ! Cause
the axe tq ^ laid to the root of the prevailing
lukewarmni^s, the criminal quietism under imper-*
fection and sin, the insensibility of our real state,
and the evil heart of unbelief.

11. The sweet impression of superabundant
favours conferred on me weighed me dpwn to a
submission to any cross event,

15. O the glory of pur ministry, not preaching

106

tkiettis^ves, btit Christ, and (Inving all to him as
the light of tlie world, and searcher of hearts ! »

9 mo. 13. In case of crossness carried on to
overt expression, pardon ought to be asked ^of the
offended, be he ever so mean.

11 mo. 2. Thou must not only pray, but watch :
80 the Psalmist, " I will set a watch before the
door of my lips."

12 mo, 10. Jn the clear vision, this is the grand
point, to keep Jerusalem uppermost. Amen.

'24. A silent meeting, but profitable, in an
humbling sense of my coming hite, in God's
estimate, though not in man's, Irom want of vigi-
lance.

■27. Attended the youth's meeting, and dis-
charged my conscience in weakness, and had the
comfort of some of low degree joining in spirit.
Truly the harvest is great, but the labourers few :
Lord, increase their number !

29. At a silent meeting meditations (tending to
a growth,) on Christ as the vine, and us as the
branches, and on the high privilege of being mem-
bers of the church. militant, and partakers of the
divine nature, having escaped the corruptions that
are in the world through lust.

1770.

1 mo. 20. Here is the grand point in view: to
tread straight steps in the narrow way, and ever to
give Jerusalem the holy and righteous preference
to every other concern.

^^ mo. 12. Brittle on an unseasonable, vesatious
call.

2 mo. 30. A remarkable cheerfulness after yes-
terday's partial fast.

.1 mo. (1. A blessed sweet silent meeting, in
^hich-lhc Baying of (he Psalmist was verified, "O-

*;

Ko-tt:! loi^ tky Imitv it is .better to me than thou*
sands of gold and silver!" Andthebeanty of visit-
itig the fatherless and the widow was seen in the
clear vision.

9. A great change is come, and coming, viz.
Instead of fierceness, meekness ; instead of the
^irit of drunkenoess, gluttony, and an inordinate
attachment to books, a restraint on all these appe-
tites ; and instead of earthly mindedness, a sweet
hdpe of heaven.

16. A botanic walk, the necessity of which
abundantly appeared from the profound ignorance
reigning among those concerned.

5 mo. 10. Two wvatch-words. 1 . The midnight
cry is at hand. 2. Live in the fear, and thou
slialt die in the favour ; yet not of debt, but of
grace.

11. At meeting, ready to thank God that I was
not in hell.

17. Act of thanksgiving to my God.

1. For thy innumerable favours and preserva-
tions from my youth.

2. For my civil and religious education beyond
that of my brethren.

3. For inspiring with the vow I made at my
first setting out in the wofld, though far from being
kept entirely inviolate.

4. For transplanting me to a place of saints,
and for a correspondence with the excellent of the
earth.

5. For thy long forbearance towards me in my
spiritual idolatry, in preferring nature to grace.

6. For my health and long life, and present re-
tirement, favouring my enjoyment of and digesting
the labours of my youth,

7. For my littleness (the reverse of worldly
grandeur) not the least of thy favours, Lord I

lot)

8. For my profession, enabling me to practise
Christian duties among the sick.

U, For Jiaving enabletl and prompted to prefer
grace to nature in certain publications, and for a
spiritual brief woik lately finished and printed :
Lord, bless it I

10. For my spiritual espousals on my sickness,
in renewing my covenant.

1 1. For the blessed opportunity of reading the
scriptures in an improved way, and divers otlier
valuable writings promoting vital Christianity.

12. For affording ample opportunities of exer-
cising in practice that holy discipline, wbich had
been very beautiful in speculation.

13. For deliverance from compotations.

t4. For enabling to take up the cross in the
righteous preference of the spiritual studies, and
Betting limits to the natural.

6 mo. 8. O the difficulty of dying daily, even in
putting in practice that golden precept, • Omnem
crede diem tiii dilnxisse supremum ; and in this very
instance appears the necessity of crying out, God
help !

17. Two watcb- words. 1. " Behold tbe bride-
groom Cometh : trim thy lamp, and go forth to
meet him." 2. I have been loaded with an unme-
rited series of blessinss, may I henceforward never
munnur at any cro.ss occurrences.

7 mo. 2. I find no book so apropos to the state,
of the church as the bible, even as affording conso
lation in times of the greatest distress, in a sweet
view of God's special Providences in past events,
and in the prophecies of the future to the end of
the world, and conpuirmation of all things to God'»
glory.

109

I

d Take comlbrt, O my soul ; for the spirit of
party in religion is subsiding, and Clirist hath as-
suredly many sheep, not of our fold. The books
lately published on the spiritual life are a proof of
this, calling for thankfulness and joy ; these,
tliough few in nuihber, in comparison of the multi-
tude of hypocrites and sinners, are truly amiable :
may I be their companion now and for ever !

24. Some defect in complaisance to the poor
patients.
9 mo. 1. H'^inesB and God's presence to be
witnessed' in the natural studies ; for he is the God
of nature as well grace. See Col, i. 16, 17.
-10 mo. 20. We naturalists can testify, that the
earth, air, and water, all full of God's glory : and
Q how devout ought the anatomist to be, who is
daily tracing the footsteps of divine wisdom and
goodness ?

1 1 mo. 12. It was near the thirty-ninth year of
my age before I had just conceptions of the nature
of this life : but, since that time, I was enlightened
and saw it as a scene of sorrows, infirmities, and
sins ; nor had I, before this period, a conception of
Christ Jesus as my redeemer and advocate : Long
did ia gracious God bear with me, even until the
renewal of my covenant with him after my sick-
ness in 1754, since which time he hath poured
down his blessings on me, in favouring me with
opportunities of reading the scriptures, and divers
spiritual experimental writers : and moreover also,
with opportunities of conversing with several living
patterns of genuine piety, and incentives thereun-
to : *' Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is
within me, bless his holy name : he hath not re-
warded according to my sins, nor recompensed
me according to my iniquities," as the Psalmist
also isaid.

no

25. I rea'l the animated pa^es of Baxter in his
Call to the Unconverted : Lord, give me a little of
his holy fire !

1*2 nio. 1. A sweet power drawing up higher
than nature, a day of love and humiliation placing
me, in my own eyes far below the most fahhful
minister.

l5, Solid satisfaction in helping the poor.

1771.

3 mo. 5. At a silent meeting, methought the
philosopher's stone was given me, even converting
afflictions (w. g. sore eyes) to blessings, as weaning
from inordinate reading.

4 mo. 9. At a silent meeting — A pressure to a
spiritual growth, and a sense of God's love to ii\e
from my youth ; and O my stupid heart, in being
no more affected by the miracles of the Old Tes-
tament.

12. A sweet song in the night on the love of
God to mankind.

10. A group of paupers rather overloading, on
which occasion some brittleness, through want of
watchfulness.

28. More fruitfulness in conversation is want-
ing : more of Christ there, and less of temporals.
6 mo. 25. At meetitig, a sweet ravishing glimpse
of help from Christ in my prevailing infirmity of
brittleness; 1 saw it was good, in scripture-lan-
guage, to crj' mightily to the Lord, not that he
cannot liear a whisper, but from an acute sense of
our wants,

Sol. The people that desert silent meetings are
in the spirit of the worshippers of the Virgin Mary,
even in neglecting to sit humbly at Jesus's feet;
though if any famous new preacher arrive, they go
in crowds to hear him, thus preferring the minis-

Ill

tefi M tthe otheiw d« thtt Yirgin, to the Eternal
Sou;

8 mo. 17. A tnemorable call : a slight hemiple-
gia in tottering limbs, and a faultering tongue.

9^ mo. 32. An acquiescence in, and thankfulness
for, ibe present awful dispenMition of Providence
in this my seventy'^third year nearly complete.
Surelr the time for rest is now come, and of cessa-
tion ,n*om practice, except in tlie chamber, and
chiefly for the poor : for, 1 • Natural strength fails.
2. The bridiegroom's voice is heard. 3. If the
Lord will, there remain natural Works requiring a
review and improrenient.

10 mo. 31. John Gill deceased, a blessed man
to fue, though a rank predestinarian. His com-
ments instructive and animated.

12 mo. 1. A blessed day: an humble hope of
the descent of the spirit as a dove, and of a limited
regard to naturals, grace triumphing over nature ;
and I saw clearly, that the time for rest is come,
after a good deal of labour : and now remains the
chief concern, a proper preparation for a transla-
tion, and the temporals to be transacted with a
holy calmness and due subordination, the earth
being kept under feet. . Amen I

1772.

3 mo. 10. Sol. O my sotil, why disquieted at
trifles? Surely, here is something of insolence:
view the sufferings of the martyrs, and, above all,
those of thy Lord.

30. Sol. Is not that state of the elders a very
pitiful one, where they are little more than execu-
tioners or excommunicators, but have very little
heart to comfort the feeble-minded, support the
weak, or instruct the ignorant?

13. A degree of the genuine spirit of charity,

112

tlescribed by the apostle, seemed to prevEul,
occasion of a certain event and trial of patience.

25. Grace reigns: a degree of hope bordering
on assurance of a real progress.

ti mo. 14. The discouragements attending the
prosecution of tlie family visits, is an exercise of
patience and faith, tlie trial of which is more pre-
t-ious tlian that of gold.

7 mo. yi. A remote glimpse of the elory, majes-
ty, and adorable bounty of Christ as God-man.

H nio. i. A spurious ministry discouraged and
suppressed ; at the same time saw that now, as
formerly, God hath passed by the ietter-learned,
and preferred babes.

fi mo, 25. O our stupidity in regard to God's
love to us even in nature, and above that, in the
gift of his Son !

10 mo. 18. Great tranquillity and thankfulness.
24. Seven patients with patience, and a due
regard to the devotion of tbe day, blessed be the
Lord ; So Lord, sweeten and strengthen :

1773.

1 nio. 10. My faith was strengthened at a silent
meeting, but the necessity of watchfulness and
prayer was impressed.

27. The day began and ended well, even in
the triilmph of grace above nature under the cross,
and at a silent meeting a sweet attraction of my
heavenly Father,

2 mo. ;J. At a silent meeting, a sense of what
Christ, the green tree, suffered, in comparison of
what befalls us dry ones, viz. contempt, reviling,
and persecution, even from Bethlehem lu Mount
Calvary.

h mo. I . A pressure to a more close tense of ihe

divine jwesence in my temporals, according t^
Brother Lawrence,

8. Drawn to the spiritual water within (of which
Christ spoke to the woman of Samaria,) a solid
reality, as much as the natural water, which has
been the object of my study, even in its cleansing,
jSweetening, strengthening, and refreshing operja-
tions.

4 mo. 15. An agreeable ev^nt: the catechising
the children now, after abo^re a year a-nd a half's
intermission^ through infirmity of body, resumed
on principle, viz. Believing the young plants to be
more w/scep^ibl^ of good impreSjSions than the old
ones.

5 mo. 13. An agreeaj)le event:: a school open -
ed for t}ii6 Bi^ck# io America.

23. At a •silent meeting : the circumcision of
the heart, and putting oflF the old man, impressed :
^eeemed to have nearer access, ,and djropt a tear, a
rarity.

6 mo. 12. At the youth's «^eeting we were a
help to each other, and stood by the holy cause,
blessed be the Lord !

26. Now finished the fair transcript of my
Materia ISUdica, the principal work of my life ; a
work of no present advantage to me, but I hopr
will prove so to others : but still, this isfar inferim
to the spiritual medicines, an,d the labours in the

fospel, as body is to soul, and earth to heaven,
-ord, grant to pursue these matters in the holy
subordination.

8 mo. 10. I find my prosperity and safety tQ
foave been in littleness.

15. At a silent meeting — A delightful view of
die beauty of the establishment of ' watching over
^ne another for good,' and some duties in occa.-
Aional visits pointed oyt.

<0

lU

19. Regarded the day as an anniversary of
tJianksgiviiig, being two years since my paralytic
stroke ; blessed years, even years of sequestration
from worldly cares and temptations, years of bod-
ily weakness, yet some degree of strength return-
ing willi the fine weather, the upper region pretty
clear, a singular favour of providence enabling me
to revise and improve my former labours. Thus
fruitful in nature in old age, grant to me more
fruitfulness in grace, and, good Lord, prepare for
the heavenly city !

23. Lord, give more of thy presence in my
naturals! and breathe holiness on our social du-
ties : we are born helpless, and all along dependent
on one another.

9 mo. 12 and 13, Bad usage, with just remon-
strances : but the apostle saith, " Rejoice in tribu-
lations," and consequently in all crosses, even as
trials of faith and patience more precious than
gold.

1 1 rao. 23. Head John Woolman : verily it was
as the dew of heaven, though in unpolished phrase.

12 mo. 6. A blessed day, though both meetings
silent; the vision was clear and humbling, and
some good impressions received.

I I . Heaven above earth to-day ; and yet pur-
sued hydrology with great success.

15. Held our monthly conference: my bro-
ther's chief object is the soul, mine the body ; but
God is the framer of both.

25. Seventy-five years are now past : opens
the seventy-sixth, a day of mercy and bounty,
health of body and mind, blessed tranquillity and
leisure, devoted, I hope, to good purposes.

1774.

2 rao. 28. At a silent meeting — " If thou seek

lis

the Lord, he will be found of thee,'* sweetly im-
pressed,

3 mo. 8. Read the heart-searching pages of
Mead's Almost Christian.

1 2. A view of the imperfections of science, and
of God's mysterious adorable dispensations.

4 mo, 25. All murmuring at cross events to be
excluded, according to that saying in Job, "The
Lord hath given, the Lord hath taken away, bles-
sed be the name of the Lord !"

5 mo. 10. Crabbed on occasion : look to Jesus,
on whom the spirit descended as a dove, and who
said, *' Learn of me, for I am meek and lowly."

8 mo. 14. Naturals gave way to spirituals, and
did not suffer thereby.

22. Walked on in the narrow way.

9 mo. 6. A laborious day, wherein, the prefer-
ence was given to the holy cause, blessed be the
Lord !

1 1 mo. 12, Was not the Lord with me this
morning in the hour of temptation ?

12 mo. 3. Conscious, that of late no fleshly in- '
dulgence hath taken place ; beware that it creep
not on now in the days of infirmity, and sitting by
the tire ; I dare not trust my own heart.

8. The voice of God now sounds louder in my
great infirmity, of being scarcely able to bear the
cold.

Here our author finished his Diary, about

four months before he finished his course, and en-
tered upon immortality. He died on the 27th of
the 4th month, 1775, in a very composed frame of
spirit ; and it is highly reasonable to suppose that
a mind, so long accustomed to spiritual exercises,
was not wanting to improve that short intermediate
time in a way suitable to the importance of his
approaching change.

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